The Art of Losing
by Miliz
Summary: The art of losing isn't hard to master. Between lost lovers, dreams and sons, Emma and Regina get caught up in a web of power struggles and broken hearts – that sometimes seems past the point of fixing, even for one of the most renowned cardiothoracic surgeon. What possibly the new intern could do to change that? Medical AU.
1. Prologue

**Chapter one**

Regina looked around, her eyes absorbing as much as possible of the crowded room while she put the gloves on skillfully.

"Busy day today, huh?" Katherine murmured by her side, tying her own scrub on the back.

"Didn't you say that yesterday?"

"Well, if the rain doesn't stop, I'll say that again tomor-" But she didn't even had time to finish the sentence before two paramedics crossed the door strolling a doolie, their faces serious and hard like statuettes.

They both jumped forward, almost elbowing each other on the way. Arriving first not necessarily meant staying on the case, but it never hurt.

"Female in her teens," One of the paramedics started as Dr. West stepped closer; he was the head of Trauma, and glared quickly at Regina and Katherine, almost pressing him in the middle of them. They both took a step to the side, giving him more space; a small step. The paramedic went on. "Gunshot victim. Abdominal laceration. Hypotensive and tachycardic. The bullet is still in."

And she was already unconscious. Regina glanced at the girl; her face was pale, bloodless, in contrast with her middle, where the ruined shirt was covered in half-dried blood, and there were fresh gushes slipping out through the edges of the bandages.

"Jesus, what happened?" She asked mindlessly. The girl just seemed so _young_. Teen years, the woman had said? Yes, Regina wouldn't put her past fifteen, really. What was a girl like that even doing on the street, at this hour?

"A firefight down in Queens, a couple of gangs, I reckon," The male paramedic explained in a hurried voice. "She was right in the middle of it."

"Do we have an ID? Anyone notified the parents?" Dr. West asked.

"No, not yet," The paramedic said.

"Midas, you contact the parents," Dr. West shot them both a glance. "Mills, you come with me."

Regina ignored Katherine's snort while they moved forward with the doolie until they reached an empty bed. There weren't many, today.

"On three. One, two, three," Dr. West counted, and they lifted the doolie, putting the girl on the bed. The jerk was enough to make the girl's eyes shoot open.

"Neal!" She shouted, fighting against the cervical collar with a grimace of pain. "Where's Neal? Where am I? Let me go!"

"Shh, it's ok," Regina grabbed the hand she extended in attempted to get up. "You're in the hospital. You were shot. Can you tell me your name?"

"Emma. But they were… Where's…"

"I'm sure your friend is fine, but now we have to take care of you, ok?"

"Just fucking let me go!"

Dr. West placed a firm hand on the girl's shoulder, keeping her down. "You're not going anywhere just now, young lady. Mills, we need an abdominal CT to localize the bullet, and go check if anyone came in with her. Now."

Regina hurried away, closing the curtains around the bed as she left, her steps soft on the floor. She ran outside, catching the paramedics as they were climbing back in the ambulance.

"Wait!" She shouted, stopping by the passenger's open door. "Did anyone come with her? Was there anyone with her when you arrived?"

"No, the police arrived first, and every soul vanished. You know how it goes…" The woman replied with a sigh. "She is probably underage, so you might as well call social services, you know. And police will be here soon enough, they can track the family."

"If she has any," The other paramedic added under his breath.

"Yes, ok, thank you," Regina said before running back in. So there wasn't much she could do about that now, and Kat should be on top of it. She had to prepare the CT.

"Mills, get back here!" Dr. West's voice thundered through the floor as she walked past the bed. The curtains were pulled open again and they were on the move. The girl was completely knocked down now, with an IV and a chest tube set up. "She's losing a lot of blood; we'll need a transfusion and we need to get the bullet out. Did you find an ID?"

"The paramedics didn't know anything about her, and no one came along," She said quickly.

"We can't wait. Call an OR. ASAP. Or there won't be good news to these parents when we do find them."

Regina nodded before motioning to the closest phone, still in time to hear Dr. West curse "Fucking teenagers," under his breath.

 **~SQ~**

* * *

When Emma opened her eyes, it took her a while to adjust to the light, the edges all blurry and a tangy taste in her mouth. She looked down to see a blue sheet covering her body, and as she tried to move, she felt the IV tugging, but firmly attached to her arm.

Emma tried to get up, but found out she was still too numb for it.

"You woke up," A soft hand was placed on her shoulder and the least she had accomplished was forced back into the mattress.

She stared up to find soft brown eyes looking at her.

"Lay back," The woman said. _Dr. Regina Mills_ was sewed in her white coat. "The dizziness will be gone in a moment."

"What-" Emma started before clearing her throat. "What happened?"

"You got shot," The doctor answered. "We had to take you to surgery, but all went fine."

Emma's eyes widened. Yes, she quite remembered being fucking shot, thank you. But surgery? She didn't even recall the fucking ambulance.

"Where am I?" If they had taken her to the nearest hospital, it could only be…

"Storybrooke Hospital. Look up, please." The woman answered as she got a small flashlight, opening her eyelids with her fingertips as she checked whatever. "I'm Dr. Mills." She pocketed the flashlight.

"Look, doc, since all went fine and stuff… I have to go," Emma tried to get up again, but the hand was still firmly in place.

"I don't think so, Emma," Dr. Regina Mills retorted, grabbing the stethoscope that was around her neck and starting to check Emma's vitals. "You just had major surgery. When you got shot, you had a gastrointestinal perforation, which means that the bullet went all the way through your stomach."

"I had a what?"

"Gastrointestinal perforation. But we were able to retrieve the bullet and fix you all right. If it all goes as planned you won't even need a special diet." Dr. Mills lifted the light shirt the hospital had dressed her as she spoke, and Emma gasped as she saw the length of her stitches. The woman looked closer at her abdomen, and when she touched, though she had light, steady hands, Emma flinched.

"It's expected to be tender for a while," The woman said, noticing her reaction. "But the color looks good and it's not swelling. You also had a minor concussion, and I don't see any reason to be concerned but I'll ask for a CT just in case. Is there anything else you are feeling?"

"No, I-I'm fine," Emma hesitated. "Thanks for patching me up or whatever, but I really have to go, I-"

"You are not listening, dear," The other interrupted her. "You will be here for at least a week, if not because even moving right now would not be all too pleasant, then for observation. Just to be sure you won't get any infections or bleedings."

The woman didn't look annoyed, and al though stern, her voice was kind and her eyes attentive.

"But I-"

"You are not going anywhere, Emma. We were able to get in touch with your foster parents, and there are some police officers that want a word with you, but I'll have them waiting until you are fed. Well, the IV shall do the job for today. No solids so soon, I'm afraid."

The doctor moved to write something on her chart.

Emma wasn't listening much past… "My foster parents?" she whispered back. "They are not coming here, are they?" There was an edge to her voice, despite how much she wanted to hide it.

Dr. Mills frowned at her.

"Well dear, of course they are."

Emma gulped, trying not to appear as panicked as she felt. "And the cops?"

"That's the protocol for all gunshots wounds," The woman said softly. "But don't be worried just yet."

Emma looked away. She wasn't supposed to be in that stupid alley. But some fucking guys owned Neal some fucking money, and the fucking guys happened to be part of a fucking gang… that owned another fucking gang money too. It was all too fucked up, because for all the wrongs Emma made in her life, she got screwed up in the one time she wasn't doing shit.

"Just yet?" Emma spat angrily, her temper starting to rise along with her fear. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Regina looked at her impassively. "That you shouldn't borrow trouble. They are not here in a witch hunt. It is protocol."

Emma shot her a heated look, "Don't borrow trouble? Looked like fucking trouble went all the way through my stomach, wasn't that what you said?" She was yelling now, and as the sedative was probably wearing off, she also managed to get to a sitting position.

Dr. Mills continued to stare blankly at her, but there was something in her eyes… something that just made Emma want to yell some more. She didn't need her sympathy! They continued to stare at each other until Emma was left all but a little embarrassed by her reaction. The hand was back, forcing her to lie down again.

"You shouldn't really be that stressed right now. It is not healthy," The doctor said soothingly, and part of Emma just wanted to tell her to shove it, but then again, maybe pissing off the woman with access to needles and scalpels wasn't the brightest idea.

"Can I at least make a phone call?"

"That you can," The doctor smiled at her. "The nurse will be here in a moment, she'll tell you how it works."

Emma was now eyeing the woman cautiously.

"Burgers," She blurted.

"I beg you pardon?" The doctor raised an eyebrow at her.

"You said no special diets, so I'll be able to eat burgers, right?"

Dr. Mills chuckled, her hand finally leaving Emma's shoulder. "Yes, as soon as your stomach heals a bit more."

There was a pause before Emma suddenly announced, "I can't pay the hospital."

Regina stared at her in that way again, and Emma grabbed the sheets below her.

"It's taken care of," Regina said finally. "That is not a concern for a seventeen-year-old to have."

Emma clenched her jaw. Yeah, one would think it wasn't. But Emma had a whole lot of what that woman would call concerns.

"Your foster parents will be working something with the government, I bet," The doctor said, probably because Emma didn't look too reassured.

She looked away, refusing to risk meeting some kind of patronizing gaze or whatever.

"I'll leave you to rest some more, dear. It will be alright, you were so lucky," Dr. Mills dropped her chart on its place and was about to leave the room before she stopped by the door and looked at Emma. "You and the baby are going to be just fine."

"Baby?" That made Emma look up pretty fast. "What baby?"

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"Of course I didn't tell them anything!" Emma hissed, although the wound in her middle ached everytime she so much as raised her voice. "Do I look like an idiot now?"

"Hey, don't be mad at me," Neal raised his hands in surrender. "I was just worried about you, ok?"

"Sure," Emma snorted, then looked away. He wasn't there when she came in, he wasn't there when she woke up, and now that she had figured out alone what to tell the cops - nothing, she had said she didn't remember anything - he appeared, all smiles and concerned looks. Just great!

"Jeff and Mary were really here, then?" Neal asked, his voice carefully soft. He was smart enough not to press the subject. Emma wasn't in the mood of being questioned. Again.

"Yeah, for like half a second," She said, sighing. "Just to get social services out of their feet, then they just got the fuck out. Said they'd be back tomorrow. Well, I won't wait up."

They were silent for a moment.

Emma had left her foster house for over an year now, and never looked back. She was pretty sure she was never missed, either. There were many other hungry and lonely kids in Jeff and Mary's yard. So everybody played their part well in front of the social assistant and Emma would leave the hospital to go back to the same shithole she'd shared with Neal for the last couple months. Soon enough she would be eighteen, anyway.

"You know, I stayed with you until the ambulance arrived," He whispered, his rough hands enveloping hers. "I confess I freaked out and I knew they'd call the police, because of the gunshot. I was scared out of my mind, Emma. You were bleeding so bad..."

"I'm ok," She interrupted. "I was lucky." Or so had said the pretty doctor. That would be a first, Emma had thought.

And then she mentioned the baby.

"Look, we have to talk about something."

"Yeah, I know, I know I promised I wouldn't deal with them anymore. But it was a tough ass month, you know it, and..."

"Not about that," Emma shot him a glare when Neal had the nerve to sigh in relief. "We will talk about that too! Just not now."

"Alright, what is it, then? Hope you're not worried about your recovery. I spoke to the doctor, and she said you'll be fine. You know I'll take care of you, right? I will."

Emma didn't know that. She wasn't sure he could. But being Neal, he'd probably try. That's what she liked about him. So maybe he wasn't the greatest guy, but he tried. It had to count for something. Now more than ever. And she loved Neal, didn't she? He was her best - only - friend. They had done the thing, the baby, together. She didn't have to deal with it alone.

"I'm pregnant," She announced objectively.

"What?"

"I'm having your baby, you moron."

Neal blinked a few times, and Emma could almost hear his brain collapsing behind his forehead.

"Oh, ok," He nodded, as if fighting to discover the full meaning of that. "It's ok. We'll figure it out." He didn't quite smile; but yeah, he tried.

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"Mr. Hughes here was recently diagnosed with HCM. Can any of you tell me what it means?"

As it often occurred, Regina's hand was the first to shot up.

Dr. Cora Mills looked at her daughter as if she expected nothing less, though from an outside perspective it would be nearly impossible to detect, because she kept a neutral stance as she proceeded, "Dr. Mills?"

"Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy," She started without missing a beat, "is a primary disease of the myocardium, in which a portion of the myocardium is hypertrophied, creating functional impairment of the cardiac muscle."

"That is correct," Cora Mills glanced at the 28-year-old patient and then at his wife by his side. "We were very lucky to diagnose the HCM early, because it is usually asymptomatic until the sudden death of the patient." She gave a strained smile at them, that should probably be reassuring. Needless to say, they didn't look very reassured. The doctor continued anyway, "How do we proceed?"

Again, Regina's hand was the first in the air.

"Dr. Mills."

"We need to perform a septal myotomy, a surgery that-" And that was when Regina's pager went off. She looked at it out of reflex, grateful that it wasn't 911. A septal myotomy was not a surgery she would like to miss.

"Is there anywhere else you have to be, Dr. Mills?" The stern voice of her mother made her look up.

"I- No. I'm sorry, as I was saying, this is a surgery that requires us to reduce the thickening of the..." She trailed off as her brain registered the room number she was being called, 218. 218. Wasn't that the room...

"Dr. Mills," She turned back to the woman once again, blushing when she noticed her pursed lips. "You are clearly elsewhere, go answer your page. Now, can anybody else describe the procedure for Mr. Hughes?"

"But-" Regina started to protest, but the Chief of Surgery was having none of if.

"Dr. Midas."

And, as Katherine started to answer, Regina just lowered her head and left the Hughes' room. She was disappointed, yes, but her mind really was in Emma's room even before her body was there. Quickly, it soon followed up.

"Emma, how are you feeling?" Her stethoscopes was already going for Emma's chest as her eyes flicked to the stats monitor by her side.

"I'm fine," Emma answered in a bored tone, and that is when Regina noticed the huffing blonde doctor by her side.

"Dr. Bell," She straightened her spine when she finished checking that indeed, everything at least looked fine. "Did you page me?"

"Yes," The blonde said in an exasperated manner. "Ms. Swan personally requested you, Dr. Mills, to talk to her about her baby, even though I'm from Gynecology, and you are a Surgical intern."

Something in the way the doctor reacted like it was a blow to her ego made Regina arch her eyebrow in amusement.

"Is that so?" She deadpanned as Emma started to chuckle beside her. She wasn't quick enough to refrain her smile.

"Yes. So I'll leave you to it." Dr. Bell huffed once more before strolling out of the room.

"So you personally requested me?" She quoted as she turned her attention to Emma.

"I wasn't crazy about Dr. Bell or whatever," Emma looked down at her hands, "Plus, you always convince the nurses to give me chocolate pudding."

Regina's eyes softened as she looked at the teenager, the memory of scrubbing in in a complex heart surgery almost vanished from her mind. Well, almost. She was still Regina Mills, after all.

"I see," Regina sat at the chair beside the bed. "Did Dr. Bell ordered your exams?"

"Yeah," Emma started to play with a loose thread of her sheet. "Is just... talk about options and stuff."

"Oh," She paused. Regina scanned the girl. She had dark circles around her eyes and was obviously fidgety. She took her hand in an impulse, making Emma look at her.

"You have options," Regina assured her firmly. "We have thousands of pamphlets laying around, if you'd like some... You could keep it. And if it is the case you can find a nice family to adopt." She had to force herself to remain with the professional tone she had perfected. Regina wasn't used to this kind of talk. Usually the Vagina Squad – the gynecologists - had this kind of talk with the patients. But still, as she started to speak to Emma, something tugged at her heart, making it hard to talk to her as a doctor, and not as a friend. A confident? Well, not as someone who had any more kind of intimacy with that poor, lost, broken – if she dared – girl would.

Still, she cleared her throat and did her best to look every bit of the doctor she aspired to be, "And you are still early in your pregnancy, you can terminate if that is what you think is best."

"I don't think it's best," Emma said immediately. "I don't, I-" She was starting to look away when Regina squeezed her hand and brought her eyes back. "I don't want my baby to fall into the system," The girl tried again, "But I don't see how me raising them would help, so. No, I don't think it is the best, but what if it is?"

It was messy, but Regina got it all the same.

"I am sure you'll find reliable parents. Parents that won't abandon she or he," Once again she struggle to keep her façade. Emma was a foster child, that much she knew. Foster children never got it easy, that much she also knew... but the pain in her green eyes? No, she couldn't possibly know. Not in the same way.

She could, however, relate at some level.

"There is no guarantee," Emma spat back, retrieving her hand from Regina's grasp.

She took a deep breath, trying to find something in her mind that would bring the girl some comfort.

"I really like numbers," Regina started in a soft voice. "So much I almost became an engineer."

Emma looked at her curiously for a moment before she got her rebel teenager mask back in place. "You know, I am not especially fond to having a frustrated doctor to care for my medical needs."

Regina smiled in spite of herself.

"Let me finish, will you? Besides medicine, I like statistics too, that is all I am saying. And statistically speaking, I once read that same sex-parents are less prone to regret adopting."

Emma stared dumbfounded at her before laughing. "Gay parents? That is your recipe to avoid foster homes?"

Regina raised one eyebrow at her, still smiling. "Ms. Swan... I didn't peg you for a homophobe."

"Whoa, isn't that question against the doc code or whatever?" Emma grinned at her, and then shook her head. "Fuck, I'm _so_ not a homophobe. It's just, that is a very bright idea."

"Your surprise is kind of offensive, dear," She drawled. And that was when her pager went off for the second inconvenient time.

Emma pointed her chin at the device.

"Go do your surgery stuff, I know you are not from the Vagina Squad."

"Picked that already?"

The girl shot her an impish smile as she got up from her chair.

She laughed and stopped by the door.

"What I meant to say, Emma... if you want to keep it, there are some kind of precautions you can take. I'll get you some of those pamphlets. Think about it."

 **~SQ~**

* * *

It was about 2 am. Emma knew it because her last pill was meant to be taken at midnight, and it had to be at least two hours since the nurse came by. She was in the hospital for eight days now, but her doc said she still wanted to keep her a few more for observation. Emma just suspected Regina didn't trust her to take her pills at the right time, and she would be kind of right. There were now more vitamins than medicines, and Emma was frankly lost.

So apparently being pregnant was more troublesome than being shot.

Anyway, she had been transferred. She was no longer in the surgical area, as it seemed, but in Gynecology, a place filled with doctors and nurses with pink scrubs. She was not particularly happy with the change, because she saw a lot of pregnant women around and it wasn't such a source of joy to Emma.

Emma was trying not to think about her own thing growing inside of her – it was barely past the size of a pin now, Regina told her. – but all the women in labor (no one was quiet when giving birth) kind of defeated her intentions, succeeding in making pregnancy all that Emma could think about.

So much, she couldn't sleep.

She looked through the window of her room, smiling as she saw Dr. Regina Mills with her back at her, leaning in in the counter desk, probably filling in some paper work. The woman was on call today, and had come over to check on Emma, but said she couldn't stay much because she had tons of paperwork. So.

It wasn't much to do, thankfully no labor to distract her, so Emma watched the doctor absently-minded, wondering if she could get a nurse to play scrabble with her or whatever. Emma groaned.

She was seriously bored.

Emma watched as a man who was dressed like a paramedic came behind the doctor and hugged her. The woman gave out a startled squeal, looking around and playfully hitting the man's arm. The halls were empty and the receptionist didn't even bother to glance up from the magazine she was reading.

So the paramedic leaned in, and kissed her. It was brief, but even from distance Emma could see it was tender. Regina laughed at something he said, and hit him again playfully, before running her hands on his arms. He said something else Emma couldn't discern and then he was leaving.

"See you at home," Regina called him a little louder, and he turned and blew her a kiss.

They were so in love it was almost pathetic. It was pathetic because Emma's eyes were prickling with tears, and she would forever blame her damn hormones she didn't even know she had at the second mouth on pregnancy, but…

For a second, as she watched the pathetically in love couple, she felt her eyes burn and her throat constrict. Neal never looked at her like that man looked at Dr. Mills, and she was pretty sure she never looked at him like the doctor looked at the man.

And dammit if she didn't want it.

She wanted _that_.

She wanted someone who was obviously caring and pathetically in love with her, and would be waiting for her at home, waiting for her to return from her high-paying satisfying job.

Instead, she was pregnant, hurt, and alone.

Why she had to be so fucked up?

Shit.

How was she supposed to raise a child like that?

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"I've been looking for you like crazy, you know?"

The voice made Emma avert her eyes from the glass wall, where she had been watching the little pink, blue and white bundles. Some cried, some slept, some made bubbles of spit; Emma thought there wasn't really much more in life for newborns.

"Why?" She asked as Dr. Mills approached her.

"You're not supposed to leave your bed."

"Yeah, I don't care much for things I'm not supposed to do," She glanced at the babies again. "Clearly."

Instead of replying or scolding her for disobeying the hospital's rules, the woman simply stopped by her side, her dark eyes roaming the nursery in silence for a few moments.

"They are so cute, aren't they?"

Emma shrugged, "They all look like sharpei puppies, to be honest. Those little crumpled faces. I have no ideal how the moms identify which is theirs."

Dr. Mills laughed out loud, a reverberating sound that took Emma by surprise. It lasted only a second before an older doctor crossed them in the corridor with a stern look for the intern.

"Jesus, that was the least romantic description of a baby ever," The woman whispered when the man was gone.

"Sorry, not a romantic either," Emma shrugged.

"It is a good thing to be realistic, too. A very good thing, Emma." They observed the babies a little longer. "Though I like to come here and look at them and think of how they are brand new people. Unlike anything that we already know. They'll be new. All new. I like that."

"Right, but I'm not that cool with thinking I'm growing one in my belly right now," She whispered more to herself, but Dr. Mills nodded slowly.

"I suppose you have talked to your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, we talked." Though they had been far from reaching any conclusion. Neal was ok with the idea of terminating the pregnancy. It was probably the smartest thing to do; Emma was all but a high school dropout with a crappy part time job, and Neal wasn't doing much better. They didn't need the trouble of a pregnancy. But keeping the baby and giving it up, he had said, was out of question.

Emma didn't tell him this, but she _was_ relieved to hear it. "We're not giving it up," She said out loud, making the doctor arch an eyebrow slightly. "The baby, I mean. Not sure I'll keep it either. But if I do, then I do. I know what you said about statistics, and it's all cool to guess the right answer to a test, but in real life, it doesn't fucking matter."

It really didn't. She had been a white baby girl in the system, and what good did it do? Neal had been adopted at four only to lose his adopted mother and have the father return him to the system at six. So, a gay couple? Sounded really nice and all, but there was no way to be sure. And she just couldn't risk doing that to her kid.

 _My kid._

"Hey, you are a smart, resourceful girl-"

"You don't know me," Emma interrupted her, suddenly annoyed by any attempted to light the situation. It wasn't light, it wasn't easy and she did not have resources. "It's just too easy for you to give me this kind of speech, so don't."

"I'm sorry, Emma, I didn't meant to…"

"Jesus, what is that? Why are you being so nice? I'm not your charity case."

"You're right, you're not. And you're not a baby either, but I see something new in you too. Ok, I don't know you, but maybe I do, a little. Maybe I recognize something in you. A hunger? I don't know…" The doctor raised a hand to stop Emma from interrupting her again. "I will shut up, and I will talk to Dr. Blue to sign you off already. I think you will be fine, Emma. No, not fine… You know what? I think you'll be quite something."

The woman smiled, a kind smile that held Emma silent long enough for the doctor to walk away. The blonde girl stood there, her eyes travelling back to the babies, to those little bundles of nothing much that were everything to someone.

 _Quite something._

Emma didn't know then what Regina Mills meant, and she was still wondering about it two hours later when Neal came to take her home. She was still wondering about it that night when they discussed again their options. She wondered about it for a long time. Enough, sometimes, to wish she would come back to Storybrook Hospital and ask her. Just ask her what she meant.

But in truth - and Emma didn't know that then either - ten years would pass before she would be back.

* * *

 **N/A:** So here I am again! haha Not so sure where this is going yet, and any resemblance with Grey's Anatomy is probably not a coincidence haha... but let's see how it goes. ;) Btw, the name was taken from the amazing poetry of Elizabeth Bishop. Look it up!


	2. Dr Condom

**Chapter two**

The chief of surgery was a small, slender man, with a crooked smile and a limp that should bug the hell out of the orthopedic team. With a name as fancy as Mr. Gold, and an inclination to call everyone "dearie", he managed to look as powerful as he was, and meaner than he probably wanted to let out. Emma didn't utter a word while he showed the hospital grounds to the new class of surgery interns.

She could barely believe she was one of them.

She hoped she didn't look as astonished and dazzled and frightened as her mates, but she guessed she did. They were all wide eyes, whispered curses and clasping hands as they were showed an OR room. A real one, dear God.

In the changing room afterwards, though, the mood changed to an excitement borderline hysterical, and the whispers became conversations, and introductions and shouts from the residents that came in to call up their interns.

"Hi, I'm Dr. August Booth," Emma looked up, mid-way to put on her white coat, to see a hand hanging between her and some guy. "I'm kidding, it's just that I was dying to say that. But you, you know, you can call me August. We're gonna be friends, after all."

"Really?" Emma arched an eyebrow, but shook his hand.

"Yeah, we are together in Dr. Dunbroch's team, we better get each other's back, right?" He turned around to the now almost-empty room. "You, me, Mulan Hua over there, Ruby Lucas, and Killian Jones." He pointed three random people in the room. "You are probably looking at your next best friend, lover, children's godparent and worst enemy right now. Who is which? Well, well, guess we'll find out!"

"Booth, leave her alone," The girl pointed out as Ruby Lucas said, stepping closer. "He made the same speech to each one of us, and I was the first, so I've heard it four times now," She glared at the man. "And that's enough."

"I was just being friendly," He argued.

"And theatrical," mumbled the other female doctor, Hua.

"And most likely correct," chipped in the last one of the crew, Jones.

Booth shrugged with an amused smile.

"Ahm, nice to meet you?" Emma didn't mean for it to sound as a question, but she really wasn't sure about it yet. Of course, they had all probably met before, in the dinner the hospital offered the new class before the beginning of the year. The one Emma couldn't attend because Henry had a burning fever.

"The pleasure is all mine, darling," Killian Jones said with a slick smile, his hand going through his hair.

Yeah, she was pretty sure about who the lover _wasn't_ going to be.

"Booth, Hua, Jones, Lucas, Swan," shouted a voice from the door. They all looked up at the redhead woman in the white coat. "Come with me."

And as they all stumbled through the door to follow the doctor, it dawned on Emma: she had made it. She had made it back to Storybrook Hospital.

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"This hospital is chaotical," Katherine complained, putting down her tray and taking a seat by Regina's side.

"Interns first day, what'd you expect?" Ursula pointed out, stealing a cherry tomato from the blonde's plate.

"My favorite day of the year," Mal said with a predatory grin that made Regina roll her eyes.

"I can never decide if your obsession with baby-doctors is sickening or pathetic, dear," She scolded lightly. Mal's gaze shifted from the line of young men near the cafeteria cashier and fixed on the woman in front of her.

"That's because you never fucked one, _dear_ ," She replied, and Ursula chuckled.

"I do not see the appeal of inexperienced and puppy-eyed morons, I'm afraid."

"Then tell me again why you married Robin?"

This time Ursula laughed out loud, and even Katherine had to muffle a chuckle, but then added quickly, "Low blow, Mal," and patted Regina's arms, "He doesn't look inexperienced."

There was another round of chuckles, and Regina rolled her eyes, but contained a smirk.

"Any developments, by the way? Did you find out anything?" Ursula asked. Regina looked down to her own plate and pushed an olive around.

"No. I haven't asked, and I…"

"Haven't investigated?" Ursula arched an eyebrow.

"Smart choice, honestly," Mal said, staring at Regina. "There's no good reason to go after this kind of trouble."

"Excuse me?" Katherine interrupted. "You're saying you wouldn't want to know if your husband was cheating on you?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying. He's not leaving her, he's not being an ass to her, he's the same as he ever was, what does it matter if he fucks around sometimes?"

"Not everyone can be this cold blooded," Ursula said. "Definitely not _her_." She waved her hand at Regina.

"Oh, I can be cold, believe me," Regina retorted.

"No, honey, you can't. You can act indifferent when you think this will be the most hurtful thing, and you can be a bit cruel, if truly pissed off. But cold? No way. You are a fucking volcano most of the time," She replied. There was a brief round of nods that left Regina astounded.

"Have you moved to psychiatry while I wasn't watching?" Regina's voice sounded bitter than she had meant to.

"What makes it curious as to why she haven't exploded yet," Katherine added, ignoring Regina's comment completely.

"Afraid to deal with it, if it's real," Mal said.

"Forgive or not to forgive, that is the question," Katherine went on.

"Or she's afraid she'll choose the other, should she makes him choose," Ursula pointed out.

"Can you all stop talking about me and my marriage as if I'm not here?" Regina barked, glaring at them all. Around the hospital - and honestly, around the world - that glare would shut people up immediately, have them apologizing, stuttering, and put the fear of god in them. But it rarely worked with those three.

They had been friends for too long now.

"Too close to home, huh?" Ursula arched an eyebrow.

"Honey, listen to me," Mal extended a hand and pressed Regina's arm slightly. Her eyes were calm and caring as she bore them into her friend's. "Fuck a young, brawny, crazy-to-please intern and call it a draw."

"Honestly," Regina hissed, taking her arm away and getting up. "I don't know why I hang out with you."

"Because nobody else will hang out with _you_ , Evil Queen," Ursula replied as she turned her back to them and walked away.

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"Hey, kid," Emma murmured into the phone as the key entered her doorlock.

"Mom! How was it? You saved many lives? You saw a heart yet?" Henry's voice echoed through the speaker, coming all the way from Portland, under roads and fields, to make her heart ache with his absence.

"Oh yeah, I had one bleeding heart in my bare hands, thumping in my fingers while with the other I tried to untangle miles of swollen bowels, and could use nothing but my spit and a mint to sterilize the wound," She said while opening her fridge and taking out old chinese delivery boxes. She sniffed inside one and decided to risk it.

"That was kind of gross," Henry chimed back, and she could hear the smile on his voice. "But I'm proud of the effort."

"Thanks, kid."

"So it sucked, huh?"

"No, I guess it was ok. It'll just take some time for me to get some action. I'm still learning, you know?"

"Yeah, but you're happy, right?"

"Yeah, sure. I miss you, though," She said in a lower tone. That was really an understatement, but she didn't mean to upset Henry with this.

"I miss you too, mom."

"Anyway," She managed to swallow the lump in her throat. "How was _your_ day?"

"It was cool. Dad showed me the best ice cream shop in New England. It has so many flavors! Can we go there when you come visit? You will love pistachio ice cream. It's green! And mom,…"

Henry had taken flight, and Emma had to pretty much only hum and agree for the next fifteen minutes, most of them with yakisoba in her mouth. Listening to Henry's voice was good, though a little painful. And god, was she tired. She could barely keep up with the conversation. He sounded happy, and that shouldn't make her bitter. It wouldn't. Except that it did, a little. Of course she wanted him to be happy, but part of her was expecting him to not adapt so fast to a new, bigger town. To a different house. To a different parent around.

Maybe, if Henry couldn't adapt, they'd have to work out another agreement. One in which he wouldn't be so far away from her.

But God, was she tired. After forty-eight hours on call, barely sleeping, barely eating, her nerves on end, she had no capacity to look after her kid. And that took its toll on her conscience too. She was giving up so much for this. For forty-eight hours of picking up Lego pieces from poop and having drunk people vomiting on her.

"Ok, mom, I have to go now," Henry said at last, bringing her back to the moment.

"Oh, alright, kid. Sleep tight. And… don't eat any Legos."

"You're getting weirder every day, you know?"

Emma grinned into the phone. "Bye, kid. I love you."

"Love you too," He whispered, and Emma closed her eyes and swore to herself it would all be worth it.

 **~SQ~**

* * *

Emma cursed as the bus turned right. When she entered her bug that morning, the thing just wouldn't start. She lost almost half an hour trying to make it work, to no avail. Then she was forced to take the bus instead, to her deep regret. The dollars she saved from a cab would make her very, very late to work, and it was not like getting late was understandable in the hospital, especially if you were an intern.

Inhumane working hours and little to no sleep were no excuses, so car trouble? Emma scoffed, yeah, like that would fly.

She got up to leave and just get a freaking cab already when the bus came abruptly to a halt on a curve, and it all started to play in slow-motion as the bus overturned. The woman with a yellow dress; the kid with a dirty mouth; the man carrying a broomstick. _Who the hell carries a broomstick on a bus?_ She managed to grab a pole to avoid falling and banging her head, instead falling hard on her knees, but avoiding anything else major. As soon as she regained balance, she made sense of the symphony of screams and cries resonating. Emma looked frantically around, and saw a scene that could easily be from a movie.

Her instincts kicked in and in no time she was moving around, ordering people to stay down, don't move! The kid was fine, it seemed like just a bump on the head, but surely it would be best to go to the hospital and get a head CT just in case. No, this seems like just a scraped elbow, it's not broken. Yes mam, I'm sorry, your ankle does look broken, try to stay still. _You_ , call 911!

And then her eyes zeroed in at a bleeding man that got the shorter end of the stick. Pun intended. She hushed beside him.

"Clear the way, I'm a doctor!" She yelled through the agitated people that didn't got hurt and was now surrounding the man.

There was a log, like a stake, impaled on his chest. What the actual fuck! Was this vampire hunting season or something?

And then she remembered.

"Who the hell carries a broomstick on a bus?" She repeated out loud, looking at the poor guy stabbed in the chest.

"Sir," She started, trying to be as assuring as she could. "Sir, I'm a doctor, are you with me?"

He clearly was with her, if his screams were something to go by, and then he desperately looked down at his chest, his hands grabbing the broken stick of the broom.

"Oh, my God! OH MY GOD! Take it off, take it off me!"

"Sir!" Emma said louder, "Don't move! Don't remove the-"

"TAKE IT OFF!" A high scream cut the air as the stupid, stupid guy removed the piece of wood from his chest.

"Fuck!" Emma exclaimed, as she unshouldered her bag to unpeel her coat and try to make pressure to the now gigantic wound. He had managed to rip even more skin, and was bleeding so profusely, soon her coat was soaked, blood completely wetting her hands.

"I need another coat!" She yelled to the shocked crowd. "And someone call 911 already!"

Soon enough she had a lot of clothes on the wound, that showed no sign to stanch. The man was dangerously white.

"No, no, sir, you have to stay with me!" He looked at Emma with wide eyes, but they were as unfocused as someone who was about to lose conscience would be.

"For Christ's sake!" She groaned as the man passed out, both from the blood loss and from the pain. She looked down at the crimson mess, and made up her mind. She had to stick her hand inside. There was no other fucking way. The wood had probably lacerated some major artery, and Emma would have to make pressure inside.

"Does someone have- Oh, forget it." Obviously, no one would happen to have some rubber gloves around, and Emma pondered for a second, then briefly let go of the wound to grab the first thing she thought would help to prevent infections. A condom.

 _Yeah_ , she thought bitterly as she fucking dressed the condom on her hand, _what a fucking brilliant idea._

And then she dug in. Well, two of her fingers did.

She managed to find the source of bleeding. Was it the coronary artery? It couldn't possibly be the aorta, or he'd be dead by now. _Oh fuck, fuck, fuck_.

Emma leaned in to check and yes, she let out a relieved sigh, he was breathing. Shallowly, but he was breathing.

"Where is that ambulance?" She yelled again.

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"Are you wearing a condom on your _hand_?" One of the paramedics asked with amusement, when they were (finally) at the ambulance and on their way to the hospital.

"Yes," Emma said through gritted teeth, a little annoyed. She turned to look at the other paramedic, young and wide-eyed, staring at her fingers inside the man's chest "Are you okay there?"

"Thomas here is in his second day on the job. Didn't see this much action in college, did you?"

"Shut up, Leroy." The man whipped his head to look to the other side, his cheeks turning red.

"At least now you have that healthy complexion on your face. Thought you were about to pass out."

The young man groaned, "Ugh, shut up, Leroy!"

The sentence was barely finished and the ambulance came to a halt, the men got up in a hurry, and Emma spotted the Trauma team ready to jump into action.

"Male, 35 years old. Stab wound to the chest, medial to the left nipple. He's in hypovolemic shock, one unit of O-neg administered." Emma said before any of the paramedics could.

"Are you a doctor or a paramedic?" Leroy grumbled by her side, but added nothing more to the information she gave.

"We'll take it from here, thank you, Leroy." The head of Trauma got a firm hold on the dolly.

"Yeah, bye, Charming, bye Dr. Condom!" The paramedic screamed behind as they rolled into the hospital.

"Page cardio and get an OR right now! Let's assess what we can do before they're here."

It was just when they got to the emergency room that Dr. Nolan acknowledged Emma.

"You are one of the new interns, aren't you?" He turned to the nurse. "I'm not loving this BP, push one of epi and hang another O-Neg."

Emma looked at him with surprise. He moved swiftly with assured hands and had a calming voice, unlike most of the Trauma surgeons she'd seen before. 'Charming', had said the paramedic? Anyway, that was not the source of her disbelief, but rather the fact that he knew she worked there. In one week, she had received suspicious, _who-the-fuck-are-you_ eyes from almost anyone (the lady in the cafeteria had refused to give her the staff discount twice already, only caving when Emma showed her the ID).

"Yeah. , surgery intern."

He didn't look up, but his tone was gentle enough when he started. "Dr. Swan, I'm curious, is that a-"

"Condom? Yeah." She tried not to roll her eyes, but honestly, she was afraid it would start to become a thing.

"That clarifies 'Dr. Condom' from Leroy," He chuckled good-naturally.

Emma almost groaned. Yeah, that would surely be a thing.

"Dr. Swan, I understand your intentions with the condom," He started, his eyes and hands never leaving the unconscious man in front of them. "But in Trauma you'll learn that the first thing you should do is to avoid further damage to the patient. The time you lost putting it on could be crucial to his life. Sterile objects and environment comes later in extreme emergency cases."

"I know," She was fast to reassure. "I tried to stanch the wound first with clothes, but it wasn't too effective; I made a quick judgment call to use my hand instead, and from what I could gather it wouldn't interfere in the procedure the time I lost, and was the best for both the patient and my security."

David seemed to consider that for a moment. "In that case, good call, Dr. Swan. You might as well have saved his life."

"That is yet to see, Dr. Nolan." A brunette doctor entered the ER, her voice and presence all but very commanding. Emma did spot two nurses _and_ the resident casting down their eyes as she walked in.

The blonde blinked as the doctor came close, attention focused on the stats and then on the man. She could barely see past the woman's cheek and hair, but she seemed so, so familiar…

"Good to see you, Dr. Mills," For the first time, Dr. Nolan seemed annoyed.

 _Dr. Mills._ Emma's eyes almost bulged out as realization dawned on her. It couldn't be. _Could it?_

Yes, it most certainly could be, Emma concluded when the doctor's eyes bored on hers. The woman that pretty much inspired Emma to change her life hadn't changed much herself in those years.

"And who are you? And more importantly – why do you have your fingers deep on that man's chest?"

Emma blinked. Apparently, Dr. Mills hadn't changed much on the outside only, because gone were the kind eyes and smile, replaced by firmly pressed together lips and cold brown orbs staring back at her.

Emma must have taken too long to answer, because one impatient eyebrow was raised at her, then she rushed, "I'm a doctor here, I-"

"Actually, I don't really care. We must take him to the OR in this instant. If you remove your hand now he'll bleed out to death by the time we get there. Do try not to move too much, dear."

And then they were running there before Emma could take offence on the condescension on Dr. Mills voice.

 **~SQ~**

* * *

As the doctors and nurses scrubbed in, Emma put on what sterilized clothes she could without moving, and excitement started to bustle inside of her. That was it. What she'd been waiting for. Be a real part of a surgery. Learn and maybe even make a procedure, a move. Well, she deserved, right?!

When they were all about to start, Dr. Mills addressed Emma again, "You said you are a doctor."

"Yes, I'm a surgery intern, Em-"

"I'll have to go blind; can you tell me anything useful?" The cardiothoracic surgeon interrupted her.

"I- um. Sure, I have two of my fingers near the left ventricle, I'm assuming pressing some ramification of the left anterior descending artery, but I can't be sure."

Dr. Mills nodded, "Now carefully remove your fingers, then you can leave, dear."

Emma was sure she didn't understand all too well.

"What?"

"Remove your fingers," The attending repeated blankly, "Carefully."

Emma did that, still a little confused. She saved the man, she wanted to see her efforts didn't go to waste. Surely, she earned that, right?

It was a little bit of a mess after that. Regina dug in immediately, working magic at a speed and assuredness Emma hadn't seen before. So she stood there, watching, amazed.

The spell was soon broken when she felt an elbow just under her chest.

"What the-" Regina turned her head for a moment. "What are you still doing here?"

"I'm watching?" Emma said, taking a step back as fuming brown eyes stared her down.

"Doctor, you did your part. Now, leave."

"Dr. Mills, I'm sorry, I'll be out of your way."

"Yes, you will, the door is on your right, doctor."

"Can't I at least watch?"

"But of course, we have a fine wall of glass outside from where you can observe everything."

"But he's my patient!" Emma knew better than to argue with an attending. She really knew better, but she had for more than an hour her hand inside of a man, damn, she almost couldn't feel her fingers anymore. She fucking deserved to see it through!

A vein started to pop on the attending's forehead.

"And this is _my_ OR. Now get out!" The surgeon hissed at her, all livid eyes and a dangerous expression on her face.

Emma swallowed back a retort and marched out of the room.

After that, her day pretty much continued to suck. She had been right. Somehow everybody found out she was the woman that got to the hospital wearing a condom on the hand that was dug inside a chest wound. "Dr. Condom" so obviously became a thing, and the other interns couldn't seem to recall her real name anymore. She even thought she heard Dr. Merida Dunbroch, her assigned resident, call her that once.

When it was time to leave the hospital, Emma sighed in relief.

Emma was almost out of the door of the hospital when a voice stopped her.

"Dr. Swan."

She hadn't heard much of that voice in the last ten years. But Emma felt like she'd recognize it anywhere now, judging by the events of that day only.

She closed her eyes and counted to ten before turning. When had the other doctor figured out her name? How much trouble did she put herself into?

"Dr. Mills," She said with a curt nod, her irritation bubbling on the surface, eager to make an appearance. "Is there anything I can do for you?" Still, she tried to avoid being harsh. Too harsh, anyway.

"Yes," The woman approached, purse in hand and dressed like she was ready to go home too. "You can never question my authority again, and never repeat what you did today on the OR. Never."

Emma pressed her lips in a thin line as the doctor continued.

"Or I'll make sure you won't see the inside of one for a long, long time."

Really, she tried to remain impassive, but soon her eyes were narrowing and her cheeks were burning. That arrogant, damned woman- was now threatening her, after everything she'd been through to get where she was- just, - ugh!

"You will come to realize I'm not someone you want to cross, Dr. Swan," She proceeded on her power speech or whatever, and all Emma could do to not snap at her was stare.

So, she stared at the regal posture of the woman, how her hair was shorter and her features sharper. She stared at her hand where there was a ring - was the crazy in love paramedic waiting her back home? She stared at her stilettos and at the impatient eyebrow raised at her for the second time. She stared and wondered where that caring, full of joy surgery intern went to give place to the cut-throat surgeon.

"Are we clear, Dr. Swan?" Dr. Mills pressed.

"Cristal, Dr. Mills," She replied surly, instead of using the very colorful vocabulary she was now thinking.

"Good." A predatory, not friendly at all smile stretched across the woman's face.

Emma then resumed her way out of the hospital, giving her all to prevent her hands to close into fists and her mouth to say something that would piss off the doctor even more. _It was just so me to piss off the Head of Cardio on her first week_ , harming her career on the process.

"And Dr. Swan?"

She stopped, but didn't turn again as Dr. Mills managed to threaten her once more.

"I'd be careful if I were on your shoes, because I'll be personally watching you from now on."

 **~SQ~**

* * *

 **Hey!**

 **I want to thank you guys for the response this fic got! And to warn you that this has 0% of medical accuracy, and 100% of google research and cool terms from medical shows, so…**

 **To answer some of you: no, Emma did not abandon Henry, and - spoiler alert - yes, Daniel is dead. But come on, that one was a given!**

 **Hope to see you all soon!**


	3. The Alien

**Chapter three**

"I can't feel my feet," Emma groaned, almost throwing her tray on the table as she threw herself on the chair.

Mulan nodded beside her, as August announced, "This is so much more glamorous on TV."

"Yeah, I mean, where are the crazy ass cases and hanging in the OR all the time? All we do is running about the hospital."

"Well, I don't know about you, Swan, but I just held the suction during a whole appendectomy this morning. It was awesome."

Emma catapulted a pea with her spoon, landing it successfully on Kilian's forehead.

"Asshole," She retorted. Dear fucking Lord. She was so jealous of him. And of an appendectomy, really – the most boring surgery ever. Being an intern sucked.

"Hey, losers!" Ruby was practically bouncing as she sat on the table. "And Emma," She grinned at her, and Emma was almost blinded by the white and perfect set of teeth shining at her direction.

"Hey Ruby," Mulan muttered beside her and that had to be the second time ever Emma heard her voice. Well, when she wasn't answering all the damn questions the attendings asked.

"We missed you last night," Ruby was talking to her, mega-watt smile still in place.

"Last night?" Emma blinked, confused. Wasn't that their first day off?

"The club," Killian supplied.

"Oh," Yeah, that was what they did on their fucking day off. Went clubbing. "You were all there?"

"Yep, even Mulan here," Ruby swung one arm on Mulan's shoulder, who sighed in response, as if she herself wasn't believing she really went.

"What virgin you sacrificed to get all that energy, guys?"

"Please, stop sounding like an old lady," August scoffed. "Sweetheart, you need to put yourself out there more."

"Well, thank you, aunt. I've been wondering why all those nice guys won't look my way," Emma spat back in a faux sweet voice.

"Fear not, I'm always looking your way, milady," Killian got the nerve to take her hand and lean in to kiss it. Until he was hit by another pea.

"I believe she said nice guys, Killian," Ruby sassed.

"Bite me, Lucas."

"Oh, you wish," Ruby stretched a predatory smile at him, and he swear to God flushed. And damn if the only one at that table that was left unaffected was August. But well, he was gay.

"Booth, I forgot to tell you," Ruby turned casually, "A nurse told me to give you this number," She shoved a piece of paper in his hand.

August grinned.

"Really?" He fingered his hair and smoothed it backwards. "Yeah, I mean. Of course. I answered pages all morning and still I smell like a Calvin Klein model. Have you guys smelled me today?"

"Hell no."

"Can't say that I have, no."

"Nope."

"Anyway," Ruby deadpanned. "I think you'll like Carlos. He's the sweetest and he has those gigantic hands, which I'm sure you know it means he has a gigantic-"

"Carlos?" August interrupted her. Thankfully. "A male nurse?"

Ruby frowned at him, "Well, yes, Booth. I wouldn't bother giving it to you if it were a woman."

"What?! Hey, I'm flattered, I am. Don't get me wrong. But I'm not gay."

"Right," Killian scoffed as Emma's eyebrows shot up. Even Mulan expressed some shock in her usually expressionless face.

"I'm not," He pressed. "I'm straight. Stop laughing, Ruby."

"Wait," She stopped chuckling abruptly, "Are you serious?"

"Yes!"

Emma eyed suspiciously the blueberry and chia seed smoothie, the cucumber, carrots and feta cheese salad and the nuts powerbar he probably called dessert.

"What? I like to be healthy, that doesn't make me gay."

"Chill," Emma raised her arms in surrender. "It's probably the Calvin Klein perfume that gave us the impression, anyway."

"Or maybe the scented sachets you put in your locker?" Mulan offered.

"I don't know, for me is those relationship advices you just like to give all the time…" Ruby threw her two cents.

"I thought you were checking me out," Killian said.

"I was just wondering how they let you use eyeliner," August retorted.

"Oh, come on, eyeliner is genderless."

"Guess I'll miss this debate, guys," Emma interjected, and got up. "Lots of post-ops to follow, don't want to miss that."

"Drinks after our shift?" Ruby called after her with her bright smile.

And this time Emma smiled back, because yeah, those few minutes with the other interns seemed like the only time she felt like another human being, like herself lately, so, "Sure."

Why not?

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"You're home," The surprise on his tone didn't go missing on Regina.

"You say that as if I haven't been home in a week," She replied as Robin leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"Well, have you?" It wasn't an accusation per se, his voice was light, but Regina felt the sting anyway. They had been missing each other a lot lately; her time in the hospital, and his time in the Fire Department - supposedly - didn't match, and one side of the bed remained untouched most nights.

"Have you eaten?" She asked, following as he undressed his jacket and opened his cufflinks. "I thought about cooking dinner."

Robin turned to look at her again, eyebrow arched up. "Really? Is it Christmas already?"

"Oh, shut up." Regina got up from the bed, the corners of her mouth curving a little. "Have you eaten or not?"

"No, I'm actually starved," He kept his eyes on her as Regina approached. Her hands landed on his bare chest, the shirt now unbuttoned. "Do you need any help?" Regina traced his skin with fingers and eyes, felt the heart thumping rhythmically under it. She looked up under her lashes, her nails biting into his chest suddenly. Robin was still looking at her as if expecting an answer. Unbothered. "Honey?", He insisted.

"No," She said, hands trailing down into his stomach. "I'll just make some pasta."

"Sounds great. I'll take a quick shower and meet you downstairs," He moved away from her, opening his pants as he made into the bathroom. Regina was left there, hands still mid-air.

Once upon a time, that glance under her lashes and a light touch was all it took. They'd be in bed in seconds, dinner forgotten, and later, maybe, some pizza and wine. Once upon a time, they made time for each other, planned their schedules, made the effort.

As Regina went down the stairs into the kitchen, she was still acutely aware of everything they didn't do and everything they weren't anymore. Was she even flustered? She didn't think so. Robin was a handsome man, and she was rarely aware of it. They were fairly young, but didn't feel like it anymore. They hadn't been intimate in months.

She started cooking robotically, listening to the water running upstairs.

She didn't know Robin had been serious about her until he popped the question. They were on vacations, in a hotel room in Venice - yes, very romantic, but they were both adults, travelling together didn't mean eternal love, except… Except that this one night he turned to her, kissed her on the lips and said, "Marry me, Regina."

She smiled, because he sure was drunk on ocytocine, they had just done it three times in a row, and the champagne cooling on the bedside table was too fine for their own good. It was just the kind of thing a man would say when he finally couldn't get it up anymore for the night, but thought something still had to be done. Regina kissed him, and wouldn't dignify that with an answer, but he insisted.

"I mean it," And he was out of bed, feeling up his jeans for the pocket. When he produced a ring out of it, Regina understood maybe a room in Venice did mean eternal love, after all. Maybe the giggles and provocations of her friends had some truth underneath. They had all seen it first, and Regina was frozen in bed for a moment, speechless. "I love you, Regina. And I know you love me too, even if you think you are too raw still to let yourself say it. It doesn't matter. Marry me, and we'll be together forever. Isn't it good to be together? We can be so much more than we are now."

"I… I can't have children," She stammered a couple of seconds later. Robin looked at her, confused.

"What you mean?"

"I had a complication… An infection," She whispered, covering herself with the sheets, feeling suddenly overexposed. "Doesn't matter. I can't have children."

She had expected him to falter, then. To put the ring away, to say they would think things through. But Robin only climbed back to bed, held her in his arms and said how sorry he was. The ring was still in his hand.

"Ain't you tired of feeling lonely?" He asked into her hair, raising the ring in front of her face. "Will you marry me?"

For both things, she ended up saying yes.

They were happy for awhile, sure. Less lonely, undoubtedly. They were good in bed together, and managed to work things out everywhere else. Both deeply dedicated to their careers, both scarred enough not to pressure things too much. They were doing just fine. And then. Then. Regina could pinpoint the moment almost exactly. It was a dinner.

So maybe, underneath, things had been heating up for a awhile. Things unsaid, prolonged silences. Lingering looks at the children's aisle in department stores. But until that dinner, it hadn't reached blowing up point yet.

It was Katherine's birthday and she offered a small, intimate dinner in her house. Robin bought this most expensive wine, which the woman didn't drink, of course, because she was pregnant at the time. Ursula was also there with her twins - Ariel and Sebastian - and her husband, Tristan, who was just crazy about them three. Mal showed up with her boyfriend, a nurse ten years younger than her, and they were cringeworthy touchy. And Fredrik's sister, who was barely twenty-one, drank too much and kept insinuating she was up for a threesome with them. For all Regina knew, it happened.

And Regina and Robin sat there, between those two groups, and not really part of any. They knew of which team they wanted to be a part of. That night, that desire, that _wanting_ was so strong it burned. Regina felt a hollow in her womb every time a child laughed, every time Katherine mentioned the baby kicking or picking up names. She wanted to scream that incapacity out of her body. She never before had settled with not being able to do something. But there was no fighting this. She was helpless. Robin kept smiling, being sweet as he was, charming the children, the parents, everyone. Holding her hand under the table.

 _Ain't you tired of feeling lonely?_

But they were lonely again. That night, when they got home, it felt huge and silent. It echoed. They had a home office they didn't need. A TV room they never used. Too many rooms, few people. They were alone together, the worst kind of loneliness. And maybe feeling it, feeling that monster creeping in into their house, Regina attacked first.

She kissed Robin at the foot of the stairs, hungrily, desperately. They were a little drunk, but fine. She wasn't usually this rough, but it was fine. They didn't need anyone else. They were married now. They were better now. She tore his shirt open, clawed his back, moaning his name. He tried, God, lifting her in his arms, taking her upstairs, to the bed, he tried, touching her with his hands, asking her if it felt good, but all the time, the damn time, Robin just couldn't get hard.

He blamed it on the wine, and she said, yes, of course, it happens, it's ok, you do have a talented tongue, but in the end she knew. She just knew some part of them had been lost, some stupid, animal, horrible part of their minds was telling them it was worthless - to make love. It hadn't a purpose. How silly was that? Since when she thought of sex as reproductive activity? Never! Since never! But anyway there they were. Doing it less and less. And even less.

"If it tastes as good as it smells…" Robin's voice made Regina look up, bringing her back to the moment. He was wearing sweatpants, his hair still wet.

"Will you put the table? It's almost ready."

He nodded, walked to the cabinet and leaned down to get the plates. Regina stared at his ass for a second, thinking _maybe tonight._ But in truth, probably not.

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"Jones, you're in plastics today," Dr. Dunbroch said, barely looking up from the chart on her hands. Emma, though, was able to spot the crooked smile on Killian's face as he made an ironic courtesy to them and left, light on his feet. It was common knowledge that the head of plastics, Dr. Mal Draco, had a soft spot for cute male interns. And Killian had no shame whatsoever to use it on his favor.

Emma tried to think badly of him, but a nasty voice kept whispering on the back of her mind, _Wouldn't you do the same, should she like female interns as well?_

No, though, of course not.

 _Not that it would be too much of a sacrifice, I mean, look at that woman, right?_

But everybody knew that sleeping with an attending was a great way to get a) in trouble; b) fired; c) bad mouthed everywhere.

 _Nevertheless, in the meantime, Jones will be holding suctions in appendectomies and I'll be…_

"In cardio today," Dunbroch announced, "Hua, Booth and Lucas, you stay with me."

"I'm sorry, you said Cardio?"

"Yes, Dr. Swan, unless you want to pass by Otolaryngology first, to check on your hearing," Dr. Dunbroch shot her an impatient glance and looked at her watch. "Though I wouldn't recommend that, because Dr. Mills asked for an intern eight minutes ago, and she doesn't wait past ten."

"But-" Dr. Mills? Emma had hesitated to head to Cardio just for the possibility of bumping into the woman, and now she was supposed to work with her directly?! She lingered another second, and then Ruby stared at her, mouthing "GO!" with an urgency that made Emma blink and wake up.

She hurried, taking the stairs. Fuck her if she would lose the chance to spend a day in Cardio. And with one of the fucking best Cardiothoracic surgeons of the country, at that. It didn't matter if the woman was a goddamn devil, known around the hospital as the Evil Queen, and had threatened her not even a week ago. People were really intense at the hospital, and if Emma was going to be honest, it was most likely that Dr. Mills didn't even remember her face anymore. She must have eaten ten intern hearts for dinner since their encounter.

And maybe, oh God, maybe was today that Emma got to do something meaningful in that place. She stopped skidding at a corridor when she saw the woman leaning against a stand, typing on a tablet. Emma's heart was a little off-beat, and she wanted to blame it on the run, not on the sight of the attending, but…

She cleared her throat, making sure her voice wouldn't falter as she said, "Dr. Mills? Dr. Dunbroch sent me to your service today."

The woman glanced up for barely a second, before looking down at the tablet again. "No," She murmured calmly. "Tell her to send me someone else. I'll be doing my rounds, tell the intern to meet me there."

Emma was speechless for a brief moment; enough for Dr. Mills to put the tablet under her arm and walk towards the door. The intern recovered in time to catch up.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Mills, didn't you ask for an intern? I can assist you."

"I'm starting to believe you have a hearing problem, Dr. Swan," The woman didn't even stop walking. "I don't like to repeat myself."

 _Emma_ was starting to believe a report from the Otolaryngology might come in handy in that hospital, if things didn't change. Though she was pretty sure there was nothing they could do about her stubbornness.

"Dr. Dunbroch sent _me_ , and I'm sure I can assist you as well as any other intern, if you'll give me a chance, Dr. Mills. Please."

The woman finally braked on her tracks and assessed the blonde; their eyes met, and Emma considered for a second looking down, but she couldn't. She didn't get there by looking down, so she stared back. For a moment, she believed she would be given a chance, but then the attending's posture tensed up.

"Tell Dr. Dunbroch to send me someone else," She drawled, so slowly it made Emma feel stupid. "And the next time I have to repeat myself to you, Dr. Swan, will be the last time you'll be given any order in this hospital. Are we clear?"

She didn't wait for an answer, and Emma was left staring at her back, a fever burning in the pit of her stomach.

"I thought you'd keep an eye on me," Emma hissed, almost under her breath. One step more and maybe it wouldn't be on Regina's range. But she heard it. The woman turned back to Emma, a thin smile on her lips.

"Oh, but I did," She said, cocking her head almost sympathetically. "I took a look at your admission file. Average college; average grades. I have no idea how you even made into this program, to be honest, Dr. Swan. Maybe someone pulled some strings, huh?" Her tone was so nice the words sounded almost ludicrous; it was like she had perfected the art of being mean, mastered it. "Anyhow, you are completely mediocre, aren't you, dear?"

Emma blinked, her hands closing in fists. The voice inside her head, usually savage as fuck, usually self-loathing, this time came in rescue, whispering, _I think you'll be quite something._

She used to sing-song that to Henry when he was a baby, babbling in his little ear, "You'll be quite something, kid. I can tell. We'll be alright. We'll be quite something together."

"What does that even mean?" Neal would ask, half-smiling, half-puzzled.

"I don't know, it's just something I heard," Emma said, the warmth of Henry against her chest, piles of books in front of her. But she did her best to find out; her goddamn best. And to what? To be called mediocre now? By _her?_

"Dr. Swan," A third voice echoed by her side, popping the red bubble of anger that was surrounding her rapidly. Emma turned to find the head of Peds by her side, Dr. Blanchard. "It's good to find you here, I was going to ask Dr. Dunbroch for your services today. Are you free?"

Emma blinked. She wasn't sure about what was going on, though she had the feeling she was being _saved_. Dr. Blanchard was all but ignoring Dr. Mill's presence, but she had to have heard, and the humiliation creeped under Emma's skin.

"I was sent to Dr. Mill's service," She managed to say through gritted teeth.

"A silly mistake, as we agreed," Mills added. The two attendings exchanged a look charged with such a vile energy that made Emma feel even more lost.

"Great, then. All settled; shall we go, Dr. Swan?"

"I suppose I should tell Dr. Dunbroch to send Dr. Mills someone else, and let her know I'm in your service, instead?"

"Oh, I'm sure Dr. Mills can use this shiny tablet under her arm to send a message and get herself an intern," Blanchard smiled, and thought everything about her was softer and sweeter than Dr. Mills could ever be, Emma felt the steel under it. And she liked it.

" _Mary Margaret_ ," The name came with a warning, and a familiarity that made Emma wonder what the fuck was the deal between them.

"Regina," Dr. Blanchard responded, as if it was a compliment, then took Emma by the arm and walked away.

"I- Thank you," Emma said after a second of being dragged out. "Dr. Blanchard, thank you. You didn't have to do that."

"I don't know what you are talking about," The woman batted her hand. "I needed an intern for the day, I wanted you. All is well."

Emma sensed it wasn't true. Not the part of needing an intern, but surely they were yet too new to be personally summoned by attending doctors. That proud voice inside her head was telling her to make it clear that the doctor really didn't have to do that. Rescue her. Emma could look after herself; she'd done that all her life.

But that wasn't all that was to it, was it?

She couldn't look after herself in the hospital if she had a reputation. Her learning was no longer only in her hands. She now depended on others to teach her. And said others needed to believe she was capable of learning. Emma had always given her all, made it to one of the best surgery programs in the country and still… Still, the cardiothoracic surgeon words struck a nerve. She wasn't all wrong.

Truly, how did she end up in the program with her average grades and nothing spectacular accomplishments in med school?

"I'm not mediocre," Emma said it anyway. Because it was true. She may not have the grades or spectacular accomplishments, but she refused to let that get in her way. Not after everything she'd been through. "I know I was not the most scholar student, but I work hard, I learn fast, I'm not lazy and I don't believe anything is above m-"

"Emma," The hand on her arm squeezed lightly, and they came to a halt in the middle of the peds aisle. "I'll call you Emma for a second, because I'm going to give you a personal advice, not a medical one. Then you can be Dr. Swan again, as I'll be Dr. Blanchard. It's that ok?"

Emma stared, surprised. She wasn't even sure why that woman cared so much to the point of giving her any advice at all, but what the hell.

"Yes, Dr. Bla- um. Mary Margaret."

"We can't change our past. And yet, we wish we could've done better, brighter. Wish we hadn't turned one or another direction, wish we had another cup of coffee, spent more time doing this or that, spoke up or being silent. We all wish we could change it, the past. Needless to say, we can't. And there'll come the time we'll have to accept it. We have to wear our scars and ghosts with pride." The pixie-haired woman looked at her with serious eyes and a kind smile. "I don't really care what you've done before. Do better now, do brighter now, be the greatest doctor you can be now."

Emma blinked, swallowing the lump in her throat. The tears were hard to avoid. But she managed. They were in peds and everyone there had a better reason to cry, so she would do her best, and just nodded and uttered back, "Thank you, Dr. Blanchard."

"You are welcome, Dr. Swan," And just like that, they were back in full mode doctor mode.

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"I guess it's safe to say you don't have laser eyes," Katherine said, stopping by Regina's side on the Ped's department desk, and handing a tablet over to the nurse behind it. "Or she would be dead _and_ torched," Her blue eyes followed Regina's through the glass window of a patient's room. "Multiple times, if possible."

"Oh, and I believe you would miss her terribly," The brunette deadpanned, but averted her stare from Mary Margaret and the intern by her shoulder.

"Well, I wouldn't say _terribly…_ " Katherine chuckled, and Regina smirked too. "What did she do this time?"

"Disrespected me in front of an intern," She murmured through gritted teeth. "Took my authority on purpose. And is now playing the hero."

Katherine took another glance into the room, where Regina knew the two doctors were talking to a teenage girl and his parents. She herself had been to Peds to check on one of her post-op cases, and could be gone by now, but had remained a little longer. Blanchard hadn't heard the last of it yet.

"Did she interfere in your case or your teaching methods? You know you can actually file a complaint if she did," Kat asked. "It would bother her more than your death glare, probably."

"No, it was not… I was trying to teach a lesson, but not a medical one, I suppose." In all honesty, she supposed it wasn't a lesson at all. She was angry, lately she was angry the whole time, and that intern seemed to know just how to push her buttons. Katherine only raised an eyebrow, the image of complacency. "How do you manage, Kat? You have no hard feelings? I mean, she married your husband."

"My _ex_ -husband," She pointed out. "And so what? I'm happy, they're happy, it all worked out fine."

"She still stole him from you," Regina muttered under her breath, and the anger made an appearance again, though she didn't know where to direct it.

"Jesus, Regina, is that really what you think?" Katherine frowned, then shook her head. "That I'd lose a man to Mary Margaret? I thought you had me on a higher account."

"That not what I- She was sneaky and-" She took one short breath, her eyes crossing into the room again, glowering at Mary Margaret's back with a violence that was almost physical. The amalgam of feelings inside her burned the way up her throat. "Now she bounces around the hospital all day, and you are alone!"

"I'm not alone! I have a husband, I have a child. Where is this coming from?"

"It's just unfair, Katherine. You find a man, and have everything figured out, and then comes someone, something, and- It's just- Can't you see? She's always in the middle of everything, and nothing good ever comes of it. Now I can't even tell the truth to a silly, mediocre intern without being treated with disrespect by..."

"Regina," The calming hand on her shoulder almost made the woman jump. Katherine pressed harder, staring into her eyes with that unchanging calm. "Don't think this is about me at all, huh? I know there is history there. I know it's not easy, dear. But sometime, you know, you'll have to let go."

"I was not talking about… _that_ ," She whispered, her voice suddenly faltering with the weight of the memories Katherine was trying to dig out. Regina shook her head. "Forget about it. It was a stressful day, is all."

"Feel like a cup of chocolate?" The woman asked, gesturing for them to take the hallway to the cafeteria.

"Sure, yes," Regina forced her shoulders to ease and followed her friend.

"And this… silly, mediocre intern… was that one with Blanchard?"

"Yes, I was refusing the girl into my service when there came the hero and recruited her to a wonderful day in Peds. They are probably best friends by now."

"Huh," Katherine frowned a bit. "Wasn't that Dr. Swan?"

"Yes, I believe so. Why?"

"Nothing, it's just…" She shrugged. "Funny you'd say that. Just yesterday David was telling me she is the best he's seen in years."

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"This is our last stop," Dr. Blanchard said in the end of the rounds. "Hey, Taylor, how are you doing?"

The thirteen year old boy moved her eyes up his cellphone to give the woman a smile and a nod. Which, honestly, was more than the grunt teenagers usually offered back.

"Are you going to chop me today?" He asked bluntly.

"Oh yes," Mary Margaret said with a mischievous smile. "Just like filet mignon. Then I'll serve you with roasted potatoes. Doesn't it sound delicious?"

"Geez, MM, I thought you were a vegetarian."

"Oh," The woman said as if she had just realized something very important. "I guess you are right. But Dr. Swan here is not."

Taylor's eyes moved up to find hers as he seized her up.

"Come one, like Barbie here would ever eat something as cool as that."

"I'll have you known, kid, that I eat human livers for breakfast. Then I pop some eyes into my mouth for dessert."

That wasn't the most awkward dialogue she'd ever had with a boy, really. Raising one was never dull, she had to admit that.

"You can't have dessert after breakfast, silly."

"See, Taylor," Emma said with what she thought was a wise sigh, "When you are a grown up, you can."

Taylor scoffed, but his eyes were shining with mirth.

Dr. Blanchard was watching the interaction with rapid eyes, Emma could see. Her smile never faltered or showed anything was different, but Emma knew she was being evaluated. She just hoped she'd passed the test.

"Taylor has an umbilical hernia," Dr. Blanchard said, handing Emma the chart. "Can I show it to Dr. Swan?" She asked the boy, who just shrugged.

She approached to inspect it along with the other doctor. Not the biggest hernia she'd ever seen; should be simple.

"We'll have it removed later. Pretty standard procedure."

"And MM said she'll be careful not to kill the alien," Taylor said with a serious voice, and Mary Margaret laughed.

"That's right."

From the few words she exchanged with the boy, it seemed like a joke. The slight wrinkle in his forehead, however, did not. Did he really believe the hernia was an alien?

She looked down at the chart and all his hormonal levels seemed fine.

"Dr. Swan," Dr. Blanchard called her to the side and whispered so the boy wouldn't hear. "He wouldn't say it, but he is very worried about the surgery. His parents are at work, and should be back just a minute or two before we operate. Do you mind staying with him, calm his nerves a little bit? His surgery is scheduled for eleven o'clock."

"I don't mind," She said easily.

"Thank you, Dr. Swan." Her eyes were so very solemn, and Emma got it.

It was not a doctor's job to stay hours with a patient just to make him feel better about the surgery. Try and calm his worries, sure, but not going up and above it. But not in peds.

In peds, things would always be more personal, the doctors would always have to be more humane, more caring. Being a pediatric surgeon was about going up and above to make your patient feel better. Not just chop him, as Taylor had put it.

So Emma sat by his side when Mary Margaret was gone, determined to do her best to make that scared boy a little less scared.

"So, is it a good alien?"

"What?

"You said you wanted it alive, so it is a good one, right?"

His face was somber when he shook his head.

"Not really."

Emma raised one eyebrow.

"And you want it to live?"

"Well, if he doesn't, I won't."

"Really?" Emma tried not to frown. "How is that?"

"His life line is connected to mine, obviously," He said that with a _duh_ voice that sounded a lot like Henry's, when he was explaining some app or slang to her.

"And how do you know that, kid?"

Taylor sighed and then gestured her to get closer.

" _Can you keep a secret?"_ He whispered.

Emma nodded seriously, zipping her mouth with her finger to show him she meant business.

" _He told me."_

"What?!" She might or not have yelled.

"Shhhh!"

"Sorry," She mouthed.

From then on, everything was a little unbelievable. First, Taylor dreamed every night about the alien, then, it apparently started to visit him when they were alone. The story was all too detailed and he looked very frightened, and his fingers kept flexing toward his palm and outward.

And.

Well, it didn't stop for two hours now, like a twitch reaction. Emma was just flexing his fingers in hers when Taylor screamed.

She let go of the small hand, "Are you alright?"

The boy was holding his head, his eyes shut tightly.

"He's here now." He said with panic in his voice.

"I thought he only came when you were alone," Emma said carefully, worried. That couldn't all be fear of the surgery, could it? He was thirteen, old enough to understand. And umbilical hernia removal was the simplest procedure, Dr. Blanchard sure told him that several times.

He screamed again, his hands pressing against his skull.

"Taylor, is your head hurting?"

He gritted his teeth, eyes still closed as he nodded.

Emma was fast, popping her head out of the room, "Nurse! We need to get him to get a head CT and a MRI right away."

And they were doing just that when Dr. Blanchard entered the exam room, where Emma was analyzing the images of the MRI as it appeared on the screen.

"Dr. Swan, have you just abducted my patient?" She seemed pissed enough, "I was quite surprised when the nurse told me he was off to get a head CT!"

"And a MRI, yes," Emma confirmed, eyes never leaving the monitor.

"Dr. Swan, I'm trying to understand-"

"I'm sorry, Dr. Blanchard, I am, I didn't have the time to page you because he was having an episode and I had to be fast-" She shook her head. "Just look, is it what I think it is?!"

Mary Margaret followed the finger Emma was pointing at the monitor and took a long look.

"Dr. Swan," Dr. Blanchard said. "Would you be so kind as to page Dr. Arendelle and check her schedule? Maybe as we remove the hernia she can remove this tumor."

Emma was fast to page the neurosurgeon, and a little slower to process what Mary Margaret had told her.

"Wait, you said _we_?"

Dr. Blanchard smiled at her.

"Emma, you just found out a head tumor on this boy. I believe you earned the right to help me operate him, do you not?"

Emma swallowed, her chest swelling with pride. "Could I-" She cleared her throat. "Could I hold suction?"

Dr. Blanchard let out a good-naturally chuckle.

"How about I also let you make the first cut?"

* * *

 **Hey, guys! Thanks for the great response and for cheering this fic on. I hope to bring some more cases and drama in the next chapters. Stay around to check, will you? :)**


	4. Mother

Emma closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind. Dr. Dunbroch had told them in the first week that they'd know they were doctors when they had the ability to fall asleep anywhere, on command. Unfortunately, she wasn't quite there yet. Normally she wouldn't even try, being three hours away from the end of her shift, but Henry was coming, and she had barely slept in the last thirty-six hours. And Emma wasn't planning on taking her rest from the - limited, so fucking limited - time with her son.

She was almost giving in into a haze when the door creaked open. Emma looked up by habit; it was an on call room, she couldn't be bothered by people coming in, but sleep had already slipped away. Ruby smiled at her from the door, closing it behind her.

"Sorry to wake you," She whispered, as if she was going to wake her further if she spoke aloud.

Emma shook her head, "Wasn't sleeping."

"I gotta be dying to fall asleep here," Ruby said, stepping forward. There were three more empty beds in the room, but she sat at the edge of the mattress Emma was occupying. "But sometimes just laying down helps me to get to the end of the shift, you know."

"Yeah, same here," Emma sat up, resting her back against the wall, and Ruby moved to sit shoulder by shoulder. "How is your night going so far?"

"Pretty boring," She ran a hand through her hair, freeing it from a ponytail, and Emma felt a wave of citrus shampoo surround her. It felt good. "Yours?"

"So uneventful, I'd be excited about a broken toe."

Ruby turned to her, giggling softly, offering Emma that smile that had blindsided most of the hospital by now. And not for nothing. Sometimes it was almost scary how hot Ruby were. To be completely honest, Emma tried for a while not to notice, but then… she had actually _met_ Ruby.

"You up for a drink afterwards?" The brunette asked, eyeing her mindfully. "Not at Joey's. Somewhere else, you know. Where nobody will come in and sit at our table?"

Emma chuckled, "You really want to get out of a forty-hours call to have drinks?"

"Can be coffee. Can be the whole breakfast. Damn, make it in bed, for all I care," Ruby said, like it was nothing, but the smirk on her lips was definitely something.

"Yeah," Emma bit her lip, staring back at her. "I'm all for breakfast in bed, actually, but, hm, Henry is coming to town tonight. So… I…"

"You can't, got it," Ruby averted her eyes for half a second, but there was not offense in them when she looked up again. "You must miss him a lot."

"Fuck, you have no idea. Seems like everytime I get to see him, he grew up ten inches. I know by this calculation he should be like seven feet by now, but…"

Ruby laughed, and Emma let the air out when she held her hand. "It's cute. I mean, not that you miss him, but the way you talk about him. Makes me wanna meet him."

"Sometime, maybe," Emma said half-heartedly.

She had never introduced Henry to any girl before. Or any guy, for that matter. She wasn't sure whose choice it had been. To be honest, most people just vanished when they found out she had a kid. She was immediately placed on the one-night stand or buddy-call shelf. What was probably for the best, since between raising a kid and going to med school, she barely had time to long showers, imagine relationships - or so she told herself.

Nobody seemed too surprised when she'd mentioned her son; it was in the middle of a conversation, and she had said his name, and someone asked who was Henry, you always mention this Henry. So she told them.

"You don't look like you just had a baby," Killian said, eyeing her up and down, and getting an elbow from Mulan.

"I thought you were into girls?" Was August's input. Another elbow from Mulan. "Then again," He went on, rubbing his side, "you thought I was into guys, so I guess we shouldn't judge a book and all."

"You are so into guys, though," Ruby mumbled, and Mulan chuckled.

"You must have worked the shit out to be this skinny again. Though people _do_ say breastfeeding…"

"He's almost ten, asshole," Emma cut him. "I was actually pretty round when he was born, not that it's any of your business."

"Wait-what? How the fuck is he eleven?", August frowned. "You'd have to have been…"

"Seventeen," Mulan served when he started using his fingers to do the math.

Then they were pretty shocked. But it didn't stop Ruby from flirting, and that was… that was good.

"So maybe when you're free again?" Ruby whispered; this time not because she thought Emma was sleepy, but because they were so close it didn't need to be more than a whisper.

"Sure," Emma whispered back.

"I'm really great in making breakfast."

"Then I'll provide the bed," The blonde grinned, and Ruby leaned in. Emma could already taste her warm breath when their pagers went off, buzzing hysterically between them.

"Fuck, that's some Grey's Anatomy bullshit scene right here," Ruby grumbled while they stared at the emergency call.

"Wanna ignore it for five minutes?" Emma asked. They stared at each other for a moment; but they both knew they were so close to the ER they'd probably be the first to arrive. That meant they may get to pick and choose.

"Hell no," She smiled, standing up and pulling Emma from the bed, "God knows I'm a slow eater, anyway."

* * *

 **~SQ~**

"A pile up involving four cars near the airport road," The driver-paramedic said while he opened the back door of the ambulance. "Two dead on the spot, eight injured. There are more ambulances coming," He completed, grabbing the doolie to push it out.

Dr. Nolan leaded the four-people group waiting outside; Dr. Dunbroch and Dr. Ocean stood by his side, and Emma and Ruby flanked them. They really had been the first interns to get there.

"Male, twenty-seven. Exposed bone fracture on the right leg," listed the paramedic, a woman in her fitties, that was getting down from the ambulance, but really there was no need. There was no way to miss the huge piece of femur sticking out from the man's tight.

Or his screams of, "MY LEG, JESUS, MY FUCKING LEG!"

"His vitals are good, though," The female paramedic went on, shrugging. "No other traumas."

"Thank you, Martha, we'll take it from here," Dr. Nolan nodded.

"Let me," Dr. Ocean put a hand on the injured man's shoulder, pressing it. "We'll take good care of your leg, I promise."

Well, she _was_ a specialist in rebuilding legs and feet, but Emma wasn't sure the man managed to hear it above his desperate sobs.

"Dr. Lucas, help me here," The woman demanded, and Ruby flashed Emma a smile before they rolled the man inside. Ruby was all for ortho, and she had a huge professional-crush on Dr. Ursula Ocean.

The next one was a woman in her mid-forties, that arrived unconscious, and by the swollen purple skin that surrounded most of her face, there was a bad cranial injury there. Emma blinked once to that disfigured face, and Dr. Nolan was already rushing inside, yelling for someone to page Neuro.

Emma was ready to run with him to get an MRI when the familiar sound of an ambulance siren was heard. They exchanged a quick look, and Emma turned around without a word, running outside again. Dr. Nolan was by her side in a minute.

"Dr. Dunbroch took her," He said while another pair of paramedics poured information on them.

"Female, fourteen years old. She got stuck under the bodywork of a minivan. Five or six broken ribs, punctured right lung, she crashed once on the way here."

"Jessica, oh, my baby, please," The heavy man that came out of the back of the ambulance with the doolie seemed on the edge of passing out. "Wake up, Jess, please, look at daddy."

"Sir, please, you have to step away. We'll take care of her," Emma motioned to the man, stopping him from grabbing the daughter's hand. The paramedics were helping Nolan to get the girl inside. She was by far the worst case they got, and Emma knew she'd be in a OR in five minutes.

"She's just fourteen." He mumbled. "And my wife…"

"I know, sir. Come inside, are you hurt?"

"I'm fine! Help her!"

"We are helping Jessica, I assure you. Come here, sit down." They stepped into the ER and Emma lead him to a nurse; she'd know what to do.

"Prep an OR," Nolan was asking a Trauma resident. "We gotta get her on surgery right now."

"Dr. Nolan, can I assist you?" Emma pleaded, helping as he pulled out the intubation instruments from the girl's throat.

"Jessica!" A woman's voice echoed through the ER. They both looked up to the zombie-like woman that had just walked in, followed by two unamused paramedics. "Where's my Jessica?"

The woman had a bad cut on the forehead, that bled down into her face and collarbone, making her look like fucking Carrie.

"They said eight injured, I counted five," Nolan said to Emma, in a hushed voice. "Stay here to get the others."

"But…" But the surgical cases were obviously already there. The last ambulance had brought the Carrie-like mother, which meant the worst had been already tended to. Emma wasn't going to see the inside of an OR, if she stayed.

"Sorry," Nolan said. "Gotta have a soldier on the front. Take care of my front line and I'll make it up to you, Swan."

"Yeah, I'll take you up on that," She muttered, getting a grin from David, and then he was out.

"Where are they taking her?!" The mother screamed, trying to rush after them, but Emma put herself on the way.

"Your daughter needs surgery. She is in really good hands, madam. Dr. Nolan will do everything in his power to help her. Now, please, let me take a look at your head…"

It wasn't easy to calm her down, and the husband pacing the floor in front of the bed while Emma tried to stitch the woman's scalpel certainly didn't help. Their conversation was a mix of crying, cursing, and reliving the accident, as if they could undo things if they understood exactly how it all went so wrong. And the whole time the man was clutching his belly as if his life depended on it.

"Sir? Are you sure you are alright?" She wasn't done stitching, but the pallidness of his face was startling her a bit. Emma got up and lead him to the nearest empty bed. "What are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. It's just… my stomach hurts a little. And I can't feel my arm right… But it doesn't matter, I'm fine, I told you, I just wanna know how Jessica is. Please, can you check on her?"

"I'll check on her as soon as I'm done checking on you," She took the stethoscope from her neck, listening to the erratic beat of his heart. "You said you don't feel your arm?"

"I… I… just… wanna know how Jessica…" And then he started panting for real, his lips turning blue as he crashed down. Like a fucking log, shaking the bed. Emma would have yelled "Timber!" if she had had the time.

 _Shit_ , she thought while the wife, on the other bed, started screaming.

"MARIO! MARIO?"

Well, Mario was fucking out.

"Page Cardio!" Emma yelled to the nearby nurse, frantically looking around. Except for other two interns, she really was alone in the ER. Holding the front. "And bring me the crashing cart!"

She grabbed a pair of scissors, cutting the black shirt off the way, but… It was damp. So damp, around the stomach, Emma's fingers came out sticky. Sticky red.

 _Shit, shit, shit!_

The laceration wasn't too wide, but it was fucking deep, bleeding profusely enough to had soaked the man's shirt and pants. As they were black and thick, nobody had noticed. And the moron hadn't mentioned it! By the hole she now saw on the shirt, he was probably hit by a shrapnel and pulled it out by himself. Wasn't the smartest of ideas. His liver was probably ripped.

"What do we have here?" The deep voice that echoed behind her made Emma's spine chill out. She turned around to face Dr. Mills in all her glory, still smelling and looking fresh enough for Emma to know she had just arrived in the hospital. It was shift-changing hours; the worst ones to get an emergency.

"He was in a car accident," She said, straight to the point. "His daughter is in surgery. He was fine, then started complaining about abdominal pain, just before crashing. I believe he's having a myocardial infarction, aggravated by an abdominal laceration, probable liver punctuation."

Dr. Mills pressed her lips before turning her head, a nurse was by her side in an instant, because apparently, the high and mighty Dr. Queen Mills was the only one who didn't need to scream about in an emergency.

"We need an OR pronto, and a general surgeon," She stopped for a second before glancing at the man on the floor, "And a bed to move him, obviously."

She saw the intern watching her with rapid attention, "Eyes on the patient, Dr. Swan."

The blonde was quick to avert her look, already making pressure on the perforation in his abdomen.

"Miss, we are taking him to surgery, and will take very good care of him." She addressed the very pale, nothing short of desperate wife in the room.

"Mario?!"

"Yes, Mario," Dr. Swan said, unnecessarily.

"I know who he is, what I meant is-"

"We'll do our very best, but we have to act now," Regina interjected, "Nurse." She needn't say no more, the woman was being led and the nurse started to explain her everything as the other one was back to help putting Mario on the bed.

"Dr. Swan, keep making pressure-"

"Until we're at the OR?"

The blonde spoke, and, to Regina, it looked a lot like sass. Damn the intern.

"Precisely," She answered coldly, "Let's move!"

When they got there, the general surgeon was already waiting and scrubbed in.

"Dr. Swan, you can't go in there," She called when the intern looked at her, obviously waiting to enter without scrubbing in, like the last time.

"I-"

She was going to protest, Regina could see that. She was going to protest, maybe make a scene, or just upset her in any way. Well, that was not about to happen.

"We have a very small window of time to save what we can of his myocardium," She interrupted what was more likely to be a very annoying whine. "If your assessment was correct before." She stressed.

"We?" Dr. Swan's eyes bulged out and it would be entertaining if well… they weren't really in a hush.

"Yes, we," She said impatiently, "If your diagnosis was right, you'll get to assist me, if not, you'll find me someone capable."

The doctor nodded, not at all impressed by the borderline offense, and much more thrilled to be scrubbing in.

When she opened the chest, it took her all of three seconds to realize Dr. Swan was right.

"Looks like you'll be assisting me, Dr. Swan," Regina announced blankly, and glared straight ahead at the blonde in front of her, on the other side of the patient.

"Thank you for the opportunity," Dr. Swan said politely, but Regina could say how much it costed her.

Regina didn't particularly minded, she was quite used not being liked, but she was always respected, and that was all she's ever wanted.

It would be easy, telling the intern she was wrong, sending her away with her cockiness – yes, Regina could see that too. But well, she'd never admit it, but she retreated a little the way she'd treated Emma Swan in the past. Not that Regina thought she was wrong, because she wasn't. If someone wasn't up to par to her work, that one simply wouldn't work with her… But then, maybe she should see for herself what that intern could do.

She was the best David's ever seen in years.

Not that it counted for much.

But still.

"Well, Dr. Swan, let's not count your chickens before they hatch. I can see your overconfident smirk even from behind your mask, so wipe it off."

"I wouldn't call it overconfident, Dr. Mills." The blonde didn't even blink, and Regina started to reconsider the whole thing, because the nerve!

"I can't say I care what you would call it. Tell me, doctor, do you think we should do a percutaneous coronary intervention, or a coronary artery bypass grafting?"

She watched attentively as the woman frowned and seemed to burn a neuron or two thinking.

"Clock is ticking, Dr. Swan. I need suction here as Dr. Swan seems to be attempting to save this man's life by sheer will-"

"Bypass." Emma said confidently, her eyes hard and certain on hers.

"Why?" She asked in a bored tone.

"The patient is having an ST-elevation MI."

Alright, so she was just a little bit impressed. Not all the interns could act like this under pressure, nor make the right decision in a moment like that. And Cardio... Cardio was not for the weak.

But like hell if she would tell the arrogant intern that.

"Let's prepare for a bypass," She informed the team and the instruments and machines started to be moved.

She needn't see behind the mask to notice Emma Swan was smiling, though she would guess this time was just delight.

Well, Regina could relate to that, she remembered the excitement well. It never really went away, seeing an open chest right in front of her, the heart beating, begging for her to touch it. But it also was never quite like the first time she got something right, that would repair that heart.

"So, Dr. Swan, how do we proceed now?" Regina asked with the same blank tone.

"We need to temporarily stop his heart, by inserting tubes into the heart so that the blood can be pumped through the body by the bypass machine."

She nodded without even thinking.

"I suggest you to close pay attention on the technique here, Dr. Swan, I'm not fond of repeating myself."

Emma Swan nodded back and approached the tiny bit, just enough to not rattle her as she worked on the heart.

The surgery was a success.

"Do you think you are able to close him up?" Regina asked her as the last heart suture was done.

"What?!"

Regina could almost laugh at the ultimate surprise on her face, even if most of it was covered. She had expressive eyes, that woman.

"Can you or can you not?" She asked instead.

"Yes, I- I can, Dr. Mills."

She guessed the blonde earned that.

"Do try not to mess up the perfectly good job."

She had to give one or two tips on the way, but in the end, Dr. Swan didn't mess it up.

It almost pained Regina to admit (to herself only!), but she could attest now that Sr. Swan did have some talent after all. She was a fast learner and asked the right, and thank god, not the stupid questions. The blonde didn't get to do much, because it was an advanced procedure, but she did a little bit of this and that on the way, besides close the chest.

"Well, Dr. Swan," It was impossible to avoid a smirk, "Shall we tell the good news to the wife?"

Emma Swan's eyes brightened at the prospect. Yes, very expressive eyes indeed.

When they got there, Regina was feeling particularly benevolent, so she let Dr. Swan break the news. The wife was relieved, but still hadn't heard about her daughter.

"Dr. Swan will be glad to check on her for you," She guaranteed, shooting a look to the blonde, who nodded and excused herself.

Regina followed her lead. She needed a shower. God, she needed coffee.

* * *

 **~SQ~**

Regina looked around to the unusually full cafeteria, then checked on her watch again. It was quite late, past ten; the visiting hours were long gone. She didn't understand why the place was so crowded. She sipped the latte steaming in her hand and shrugged, guessing she could finish it on an on call room before going home.

"You can sit here, if you want," Came a voice, prompting her to turn around.

There was a little boy, no older than ten, she'd guess, sitting by himself at a table. Regina arched an eyebrow. "Are you all by yourself?"

"Hmm, Miss Galley, my dad's neighbor, says God's always with me, so does Him count?"

"I'm afraid not in this situation," Regina said, grinning. "Where are your parents?"

"Dad's outside making a phone call. But if you're thinking of kidnapping me, I warn you that I scream really loud!"

Regina couldn't help but laugh, the eyebrow still up, but now more amused than worried.

"I'm sure you do, you look like someone who has very powerful vocal cords," She replied, eyeing the boy a little more carefully. There was something familiar about him, though she couldn't guess what. It felt like he resembled someone she used to know. A memory too faded, but that brought up a warm feeling, nonetheless.

He pointed to the sit in front of him. "If you don't sit down, someone else will, and these people really enjoy singing prayers. Loud! They're here for John Ryan, he's seventeen and crashed his car earlier today. He's going through surgery now, so the whole congration—congratulation-"

"Congregation?"

"Yes!" He beamed at her, his eyes straightening into beautiful slits of brown. "The whole congregation came in."

This time the grin turned into a full-on smile, and Regina took the chair. "What's your name, young man?"

"I'm Henry," He extended a hand over the table. "Nice to meet you, Dr. Mills."

Regina glanced at the name in her white coat pocket, smiled and shook his hand. "The pleasure is all mine. Is your dad really making a phone call? Or maybe you could give him a phone call? So he could come and get you?"

"He really is, and he should be back soon. We're just waiting on my mom, she's in surgery," Henry looked around his shoulder to a big clock on the wall. "But she's already kinda late."

"Well," Regina wet her lips, suddenly more hesitant around the situation. What kind of father left his kid alone in a hospital, waiting for his mother to get out of surgery? "I'm sure it's just because they're making sure everything goes fine. Your mom we'll probably be out soon, honey."

"I think so too, but dad was getting a bit stressed out," He shook his cup of soda, his brow creasing for a moment, then looked up again. "Is it cool to work here?"

"Of course, this is a great hospital, Henry. In some areas, the best there is," She said softly. As a doctor, she knew not to give the patient's family too high hopes. But that was nothing but the truth.

"That's good! Cause my mom is the best there is, so—"

"Hey, kiddo!" The familiar voice came from behind, and Regina turned around in time to make a casually-dressed Emma Swan broke in her tracks. The intern looked from her to the boy across the table, once and again, as if trying to make sure she wasn't making any mistakes.

Meanwhile, Henry jumped from his sit, rounding the table and running to her. The way those little arms enveloped Emma's waist as he cried "Mom!", and his face buried into her stomach made Regina's insides twist. Kids just had a way to give themselves in so fearlessly… And, for a moment, Dr. Swan also forgot her confusion, or the surroundings, or anything else, and clutched the boy tighter, breathing in into his hair, kissing the top of his head, whispering his name.

It was so intimate, so emotional, Regina had to avert her eyes. "Where's your dad?" Emma asked when they broke apart.

"He went out to make a phone call, cause the signal here sucks," The boy explained.

"Hey, watch your mouth."

"Sorry," He didn't sound sorry, nor Emma seemed to care when he hugged her again.

Regina got up, feeling like an intruder in the weirdest situation. She had clearly gotten it all wrong when the boy mentioned his mother being in surgery. Well, he wasn't wrong. Emma had been in one, with her.

"Oh, mom, look. This is Dr. Mills, she works here too!" Henry smiled, looking from one to another. "Dr. Mills, this is my mom, Dr. Swan!"

"Yeah, we know each other, kid," Emma said lowly, an arm around Henry, her eyes in Regina, questioningly.

"I came in for coffee," Regina found herself explaining. "He was sitting alone, I decided to keep him company until his parents showed up."

"Oh, right, thank you," She said, though a bit grudgingly. "Your dad shouldn't have left you here," Emma mumbled to the boy. "But thanks, Dr. Mills. I hope he wasn't much trouble."

"Mom! I'm super polite!" Henry protested, and the two women chuckled, their voices echoing together – such a weird thing they shut up right away.

"He actually is," Regina agreed, then extended her hand again. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Henry."

"You too," He replied, beaming.

"Dr. Swan," She nodded as she passed the intern, who nodded back.

"Are you hungry? I found an amazing pizza place around here." Regina heard Emma's voice as she walked away. "I missed you so much, kid."

"I missed you too, mom."

She couldn't explain why hearing this dialogue made her chest tighten so hard. As she drove home, Regina kept replaying the scene in her head: Henry's arms in Emma's waist, her face in his hair, his name in a whisper. Some kind of love she had never tasted – she had had just the slightest promise of it, and a lifetime of missing it.

And all the while, the intern… How old could she be, now that Regina thought about it? She would be really surprised if Dr. Swan had reached her thirties. No, she hadn't, Regina had seen her file. The woman was twenty-eight. And the boy had been around ten, so… A teen mom. A surgical intern that had been a teen mom.

 _Average school, average grades_ , Regina had said. _You are mediocre._

Except that she had a little boy. A little boy who loved her, who thought his mom was the best there was. Regina shook her head, trying to dismiss the new sting of guilt in her guts. And under all of it, there was still a nagging feeling. Like a memory trying to make its way from the depths of her brain. It should have been satisfied when she learned who the boy looked like, but it hadn't. There was more, but Regina couldn't reach it.

Well, it didn't matter. There was something else in her mind, now. Something bigger.

* * *

 **~SQ~**

Regina Mills wanted to be a mother. It was simple as that, she mused as she opened the door of her apartment. She wanted to be a mother and she just didn't want to waste any more time. So maybe she couldn't bear one of her own blood and flesh, but did it matter?

It did not, she came to the conclusion.

In reality, that was something she thought all the time. Adoption. A way to give back a little of everything she had, but also a way to make her... a mother.

Why hadn't she and Robin discussed it yet?

Didn't matter. If he wasn't on board she would go through with it anyway. She wanted to be a mother and Regina always got what she wanted.

"Good, you are here," She said as she found Robin sitting on the couch, "There is something I'd like to discuss-"

Regina came close to give him the usual hello kiss, but he was stiff as a tree. "is everything alright?"

"Actually," He started, hesitant, "There is something I'd like to say first, if you don't mind?"

Regina assessed the situation. He was pale, his mouth white. But he didn't look bad, or ill. There was something on his complexion, was that...happiness? Hope?

"What is it, Robin?"

"I-" He sighed, running his hand through his hair, "I'm sorry. I really am."

She knew. Right then, Regina knew. She was like a blind woman before, how was cured but too scared to open her eyes and see the reality.

But right then, right then was no mistaking, she was seeing the light alright.

"You cheated on me." It wasn't a question.

He nodded, his eyes casting down.

She wasn't mad. Not per se. Obviously she was angry, so very angry at being cheated on, but it was... it was a relief. To know she hadn't been crazy, paranoid. A relief to know she wasn't the only one floating around in their lost marriage. It was over. It was truly over.

And Regina was not sorry for it. Robin had given them the perfect excuse. Maybe they'd part somewhat amicably. No more harm to be done. Yes, she wanted that. They were good together once, great even. But not anymore, and she was no longer afraid to open her eyes.

Maybe she hadn't been for a long time.

Regina was just about to tell him that. But then he decided he was not done.

"She's pregnant."

Needless to say, all hell broke loose.

"What?" Regina spat, seeing red.

All the resentment, held inside for years. All her bitterness, all her mourning for a baby she would never have inside her, every strain of love left towards Robin mixed together and exploded, blood seemed to go straight towards her head and she couldn't think anymore. She didn't want to think.

There went flying the beautiful and expensive Chinese vase they got as at wedding gift, their portrait in their honeymoon, the fucking Russian doll made of porcelain she's never liked anyway.

She threw some more things.

She hit him, she scratched him and she was pretty sure tried to bite him. He took it all like a hero. But he wasn't a damn hero. He was someone she couldn't see anymore without wanting to hurt and hurt and never stop hurting.

"Get out."

"Regina, please, I'm so-"

"GET OUT!"

He stumbled out of the way, and she barely saw him getting his keys before the door was closed again.

Just then Regina allowed herself to scream. And she screamed. Screamed bloody murder until her voice was hoarse, and her body too weak.

Screamed until she couldn't hear the voice inside her head.

 _"You really think you are something special, don't you, sweetie?"_

 _"Oh, dear. I only have your best interest at heart. You'll understand when you are older."_

 _"Regina, do you really think this is good enough?"_

 _"Sweetie, just look at yourself. You are a mess!"_

She screamed until all she could hear was silence.

* * *

 **~SQ~**

 **Hey guys!**

 **I know it's been too long, but well... life kinda happened, so...  
**

 **IDK if I should have put a TW for Red Swan, but hey, let's have some fun. At least Robin is gone, right?**

 **Right?!**


	5. For a reason

Okay, she never thought it was going to be easy. She'd seen women in labor before, like on movies and stuff. And she spent days in the hospital, listening to women giving birth. But fuck, shit, damn it, nothing could have prepared her for this.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!"

"That is it, you have to push!"

"I'M FUCKING PUSHING!"

"Come on, babe, do it one more time!"

"Shut-" A scream ripped through her throat as she _freaking_ pushed again, and _oh my God_ , "Why this fucker doesn't fucking leave alrea-"

She was screaming again. Because it hurt. It hurt like losing her virginity one thousand times worse.

"One more push, I can see his head."

"Do you see the horns? Because it's a little devil that-"

"You are almost there."

Another scream, the loudest, the longest, just like in the movies - she guessed they did that part right.

And then silence.

"Is he out?" It wasn't hurting so bad anymore, so he had to be out. But why wasn't he crying?

As if on cue, a loud cry replaced her as the desperate being in the room.

"Strong pair of lungs, this one," Her doctor said, "Do you want to see your little bundle of joy?"

 _Little bundle of joy?_ Emma wanted to scoff. But then she saw him.

"What the fuck…" Seriously. Those were her first words, because all of a sudden, all of those clichés were right, and it was like she had never loved before meeting him, just learning what love truly meant when she saw his little face and counted his five tiny fingers in each hand, and saw how he was absolutely perfect. Tears streamed down her face.

"You really shouldn't curse in front of the baby, babe."

She didn't need to look at Neal to know he was crying too. He spoke in that rough-I'm-a-man-but-I'm-crying voice.

"Shut up, he almost torn my vagina, I get to curse if I want to."

He didn't seem to know how to argue with that.

"Dad, do you want to cut the umbilical cord?"

Emma had forgotten about the doctor. Neal almost stumbled as he moved forward to cut it.

"He looks like a little knee," Emma said kindly, the salt of her tears wetting her mouth.

Neal giggled, already by her side, "A little knee?"

"Yeah, a wrinkled little knee," Emma retorted, looking adoringly at her son. _Her son!_

"A beautiful little wrinkled knee," Neal pointed out.

"That he is," She agreed happily.

But then they were taking him, they were taking Henry away.

"Hey!" She wanted to get up and fight. What was going on?

"I'm sorry, we have to check him up," The nurse said.

Well, she still wanted to get up and fight, "Where are you taking my fucking little bundle of joy?!"

"It's okay, Ems, they're going to see if everything is alright."

She nodded, begrudged, and that was the moment panic started to appear. Were they going to raise him right? Were they ready to be parents? Damn, she was only eighteen, how was she going to afford everything? What if something happened to him? What if something happened to her? Would Neal manage everything? What if she messed him up, and he turned out to be a criminal? She thought about all of those things a hundred times, but now it seemed so much more real. Damn, it was real. So real.

"Neal," She whispered. "What about now?" The fear had to be evident on her voice.

"Now we work it out," He was trying to stay positive, and Emma loved him for it. She didn't answer, and he sighed loudly, wiping the sweat out of her forehead before trying again: "I don't know, babe, but everything happens for a reason, right?"

* * *

 **~SQ~**

"Sweetie, are you even listening to me?"

Regina wanted to sneer something in return.

"Mass Gen accepted my transference," She said instead of that something not so particularly polite.

"What now?!" Katherine popped one fry in her mouth and Regina frowned. "Transference?  
What are you talking about?"

"Why are you stress eating?" She asked, trying to grasp any recollection of distress in Katherine's oh-so-perfect life in her mind. There was none. The thought left a bitter taste in her mouth. Katherine was a newlywed. Married the new hot doctor in the Trauma department. Prince Charming, was what practically the whole hospital called him in delighted whispers.

"Don't change the subject again," Katherine retorted with that aggravated sigh she did so well. "What is this transference thing?"

"Well, dear, I saw the opening, applied and sent a whole bunch of reference letters. Gold seemed all too eager to provide me ones. The man is paranoid, thinks I'm a spy of my-" She would say the word, she almost said it. But somehow it got stuck around her tongue, like a knot. "He seems to believe I'm Cora's spy, but I don't even know where she is. Probably tearing people's hearts apart in the gates of hell." Regina spat, and she could see how it took Katherine by surprise.

More than a year had passed since Cora had vanished, and Regina never spoke of her again,  
and would send death glares to anyone who tried to approach the subject with her, so.

"Well, Mass Gen is not all that."

It was all that. The top one surgery program in the country.

She shot Katherine a skeptical look.

"Well," Katherine started again with exasperation, "People in Massachusetts are tacky! They have lots of lobsters and snowball fights… you hate those."

"I'll try not to get too offended by their poor fashion choices. I could eat lobster and I plan on working at the hospital during winter."

Katherine sighed again. "I'll miss you."

Would Regina miss her too? She probably would. Katherine was her only friend, so, in the end of the day she had to miss her, right?

"Why are you stress eating?" She repeated the question in a smooth, but final tone. They were done talking about Mass Gen and missing people.

Katherine looked at her disbelievingly, "Sweetie, what planet are you living on?"

Regina sent her way one of her infamous death glares and Katherine clarified. "They are going to announce who is Chief resident today after-", the blonde glanced at her watch before getting up abruptly, "lunch – shit!"

It was much later that Regina decided to check the board. She wasn't particularly interested or curious. She was leaving anyway.

So, she was on her way home when she stopped by. It had to be Katherine. She would murder someone if it was Mary Margaret. She didn't care who. Just… preferably not a patient. Or a nurse. For some reasons, nurses seemed to respect her most out of all residents. It couldn't be her, because she had spoken to Gold about leaving, so…

"What the hell?!" She exclaimed as she read: Chief Resident: Regina Mills.

What kind of sick games the new Chief of Surgery was playing with her? Why giving her references to go to Mass Gen and then appoint her as Chief Resident?

Was that to test her will? Her resolution? Or to play with her loyalties? Or to offer her something he knew she wouldn't get at Mass Gen? Because no way she would be well received and appointed Chief Resident when she was just filling in for one of theirs that had, apparently, tragically died after saving twelve kids from a bus that caught fire. Was Gold trying to make her stay, after all that trouble he had to make sure she'd get the spot? Or he was just a creepy old crazy neurosurgeon?

Regina wanted to go. So bad. To go and never look back.

But now she couldn't. Because her career was at stake, and that was the only thing she had  
left. That was the only promise she could keep out of the whole bunch of happy ones she vowed as a kind and excited intern.

She owed the doctor she aspired to be to accept the job of Chief Resident. And she owed the intern she once was to stay.

She had to find some kind of reason in that. It was the only way she could cope.

* * *

 **~SQ~**

Her hands shook so hard holding the letter she could barely read the words. Not that she needed to read it again. She knew what it said. She knew it, but she wanted to be sure. She wanted to have her eyes checked, if she could, but re-reading would have to be enough for now. If she just stoped fucking shaking!

"What does it say?" Neal pressed, trying to peek over her shoulder. Emma folded the paper, still trembling. "Oh, come on! We want to know. Don't we, Henry? Tell your mom we want to know."

"Mommy!" He yelled brightly, his little arms reaching forward to her hair. Neal yanked him away just in time, and the boy giggled in his dad's arms.

"Come on," Neal went on, searching for her eyes. "It's not your last chance anyway, is it? You applied for at least two more, right?"

Emma didn't answer. Her mouth tasted like a hungover. Though it was crazy that she remembered how a hungover tasted like; she hadn't had one in years. Since she found out about being pregnant, really. Then she was breastfeeding, and then… she just didn't have the time. She had a fucking baby, and high school to finish. Well, that part was over now, and that surely deserved a drink or ten, but she still had the baby. And now…

"I'm in," She whispered more to herself, savoring the words, trying to believe them.

"What?"

"I'm in, fuck! Look," She held out the letter, the words printed there the most beautiful she had ever read. _We are pleased to inform that you have been accepted…_

"No shit!" Neal exclaimed, making Henry pop his eyes in alarm. "You're going to med school!"

"Pre-med, actually."

"You're going to pre-med school! See that, Henry? Your mom's gonna be a doctor!"

"I'll be drowning in student loans," She pointed out.

"You'll be a doctor, you'll be rich."

"If I can make it to med school, that is."

"Of course you'll make it, you're a genius," Neal placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it, his other arm still holding their baby.

They hadn't been intimate in more than an year, and Emma knew he sometimes went out with the girl next door. They never talked about it, what she guessed was weird, but it was just how it went… They weren't together anymore, but they couldn't be apart yet. They had Henry, and were both still figuring out how to manage that, even three years later. And, well, Emma had this dream… It should be feeling less like a dream now, with that letter crumpled in her hand, but instead it felt _more_.

"It's in Portland, it's too far…"

"What's holding us here, anyway? We'll go to Portland."

"What if we can't get jobs there?"

"You're kidding me, right? You think we have more chances in Storybrooke? Portland is a big city, we'll figure it out."

"I don't think I'll have time for a job, Neal! It will be pre-med school!" She shouted, her heart racing. He was doing it again, that thing he did, promising everything was going to be alright when he had no way to know it. Neal was a dreamer, that's what he was, but Emma was the one who went and _made_ things alright. And this? She could not make this work out, and she had no idea why she bothered trying.

"Oh, well," He patted away a little hand trying to grab his beard, a stunned look on his face. "I can work double shifts."

"Oh, yeah? And who'll take care of Henry, then?"

"A nanny?" He tried.

"How will we afford a nanny? In Portland! You know what?" Emma kneaded the paper in her hand into a ball and threw it on the kitchen's bin. "That was fun, but it was just… a fantasy. I'm through with high school, I'll get a job and-"

"Emma."

"Mommy," Henry chipped in.

"I'm not a dreamer," She said, shaking her hand.

"I know that. That's why I don't think this is a fantasy. You didn't dream about this, you planned. You worked your ass off, woman!" He squeezed her shoulder again and pulled her in for a hug. Henry threw himself at her, making Emma gasp and catch him by instinct. "We'll sit down and plan again. We'll figure it out. I know it's scary, but we're not giving up, ok?"

"I can't ask you to move…"

"You didn't ask, did you?"

"But…"

"But what? We're a family. You're going to be a doctor."

"I don't know, Neal. That's pretty cool when you see it on TV, right, the teen mom that got to Seattle Hospital, and could also be a model, because why not! But me? Shit, I don't have the money, and I have the kid… What if it's not meant to be-?" Henry's chubby hand landed on her lips, sticky as babies' hands always were, shutting her up. His dark brown eyes stared at her, and he beamed, his cheeks so adorably pink Emma felt her heart swelling.

"Mommy." He declared. And that was that.

* * *

 **~SQ~**

He looked so handsome standing there in the altar, Regina had to smile. Like Mal had said when she showed them the ring, she could have done worst. Robin was a good man, a handsome, strong man. And he was about to become _her_ man.

The smile faltered for a moment.

When did _that_ become the plan?

Regina shook her head slightly, feeling suddenly lost in time. It felt like not so long ago, she was making plans with someone else. Big, wonderful plans. She was sharing a bed with Daniel, she cooked, he washed the dishes. They had a cat for a couple of months, or something like that - the pussy came and went into their backyard as it pleased. But they had named it. The cat. And the baby. They discussed names for the baby, too. And they talked about marriage.

But it wasn't Daniel standing there, it was another man. And for that second, just that second, it felt wrong, and crazy, ludicrous even that Regina was walking the aisle towards someone that was not Daniel. How could she had ever agreed to that?

Then she remembered. She remembered Robin's laugh, and the way his hands felt on her shoulders. She remembered Venice, and his kisses, and the promise of not being alone anymore. Above all, she remembered Daniel was gone, and wouldn't come back. And that she was still here, couldn't seem to change that, so she had to move on.

Robin was tearing up when she reached him at the altar, and Regina found her eyes blurring too. Around them, echoed the shuffling of roughly fifty people sitting down again in their chairs. It was a small, intimate wedding on a spring afternoon; a breeze played along her veil and she close her eyes for a second, letting a tear drop.

Robin wiped it with his thumb, delicately. "You look so beautiful when you cry," He whispered in her ear, before the priest started talking.

After that day, Regina would trick herself into believing she had misheard it, that he had said " _even_ when you cry", trying to be nice. But it wasn't that, was it? No, it wasn't. Yet how was she supposed to believe that a man who appreciated seeing her cry was going to make her happy?

"After I lost my parents, I felt very lonely," Robin started his vowels, his hand holding hers. "And I would pray to God for something that changed that, that turned my life around. So, after a few months, guess who I meet at a bar?" He smiled, raising a few light chuckles. "You're my best friend, my lover, the partner I asked to God. I know we'll be better together, and I'm so happy we found each other. I love you."

There was a muffled round of sighs as he beamed at the bride and slid the ring into her finger. Regina took a shallow breath before starting.

"I've...seen a lot of hearts. They're just this delicate, small thing, fits the palm of your hand. And it's supposed to keep your whole body going. Keep the blood pumping, the oxygen flowing, the toxins out… It just… When you look at it, it doesn't seem possible. Like one day it didn't seem possible I'd be here, in front of our friends and family, with the man I love, starting something so new. But you, D-" Her heart skipped a beat, less than a second, time stopped, and then she went on, "Robin, you are my heart. What keeps me going, what keeps me warm, and centered, and what keeps the bad things out. You bring me life. And I fit so well in your hands… I hope you always keep me there."

The ring slipped into his finger with such ease it was disconcerting. And then it was done. The priest announced it. They were husband and wife.

It wasn't until they were walking their way back the aisle, arm in arm, that Regina spotted her. Almost in the last row, dressed in a dark color that wasn't adequate for a spring wedding. It was a shade of blue that would fit in a funeral.

"Honey? Are you alright?" Robin asked when Regina pressed his arm harder, a pang of migraine shooting immediately behind her eyes. "What is it?"

"My mom is here," She replied in a whisper.

She hadn't seen Cora Mills in years, and they barely talked besides in hollydays or birthdays. Since Cora had left the hospital, the city, the state, for that matter, it had been much easier for Regina to pretend the woman wasn't part of her life anymore. There was never a wedding invitation in her name. Yet there she was.

"Oh, my dear, aren't you gorgeous," Cora chirped when it came her turn to congratulate the young couple. Regina felt her hands dampened with cold sweat, and hated herself for it.

"Mother," She greeted through her teeth. "Meet Robin Hood, my...husband."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mrs. Mills."

"What a darling man." Cora enveloped him in a hug, her eyes fixing Regina over his shoulder. "It's an abomination that we haven't met before."

"How did you know about the wedding?" Regina questioned sharply, ignoring Robin's touch in her elbow.

"I still have friends in this town, Regina. You certainly didn't expect it not to get to me."

"I didn't expect you to come."

"Oh, how could I not? My only daughter is getting married, I wouldn't miss it! Even if my invitation got lost in the mail," Cora drawled, staring at her daughter solemnly.

"There was nothing to be lost-"

" _Regina_ ," Robin whispered in her ear. "Please, it's our wedding."

"Of course, honey," She turned to him, forcing a smile. "Could you please get me a glass of champagne? There's something stuck in my throat."

He hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Can I get you anything too, Mrs. Mills?"

"Don't bother," Regina meddled in. "I'm sure she won't stay long."

Robin gave her another warning look, which Regina ignored, patting his shoulder until he walked away.

"That is no way to treat your mother, Regina Mills!"

"Hood. It's Regina Hood, now," She corrected, glaring at the woman, though it wasn't even true.

"Are you taking his name? Why would you do that? Do you know what the name Mills means in our work environment, the legacy I built to you?"

"To _me_?" Regina chuckled bitterly.

"Stop that!" Cora demanded, and Regina found herself going silent immediately. She felt like a tamed, caged animal, wild enough to know it shouldn't obey, but scarred enough to do so anyway. "Why wouldn't you invite your own mother to your wedding? Do you know how shameful it was to hear about it through the grapevines?"

"I didn't want you here, _jinxing_ it!"

"Oh, for God's sake, Regina. Be a grown up. What did I ever do to _jinx_ you?"

"You _know_ what you did. Last time you showed up unwanted and meddled in with the man I loved..."

"I did my best that day, as I always do. I did my best with you, tried to bring the best out of you, too, and that's how you repay me?"

"You _killed_ him, mom!"

"Shut up," Cora hissed, shaking her head, her dark eyes glowing in that dangerous way that always had Regina running to hide behind her father's legs, as a child. She would gladly do that in that moment, too, if it were possible. It wasn't. "Don't you ever say that again. It isn't true, and it's childish of you to say it. Unprofessional, even. Not to mention unfair. You are married now, aren't you? Don't you love this man? This Robin? Isn't he good to you?"

"Of course I love him."

"Good for you, then. Stop moaning about the past all the time, nobody can stand it anymore, Regina. You found yourself a man, you got him to marry you, so there you go. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Be glad for what you've got. That includes _me_ , your loving, caring _mother_."

"Hey, here it is," Robin approached them, holding out a glass of champagne.

"Thank you, dear," Cora said, snapping it from his hand before Regina could open her mouth. "I'll go say hi for a few acquaintances. Enjoy your party!"

"Oh, ahm, thanks," He murmured, gaping a little as the older woman walked away. "Sorry, darling, I should have brought two…"

Regina exhaled sharply and patted his hand, "It's ok. I need something stronger, anyway."

* * *

 **~SQ~**

"What do you mean, he stays?" Emma hissed, pacing the floor while Neal watched her peacefully from the couch.

"Come on, Emms," He said, shrugging. "It's pretty logical. You didn't expect me to quit my job, did you? I'm actually making money there now!"

"Of course I _didn't_!" She spat back, turning to face him. "I know you gotta be here, but Henry is coming with me."

"Oh, right." Neal leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees and staring at her. Emma didn't like that look, and she didn't like that tone. "You barely had time for him in med school, how do you think you're gonna manage him and a surgical internship? Without me around?"

"I'll figure it out."

"You won't _figure it out_ ," Neal argued, his voice sounding harsher every time. Emma really didn't like this tone. "He's not a baby anymore. He's got school, and friends, and he needs stability now. We can't keep moving him around, making it up as we go. That's over."

"I will not be away from my son," Emma pronounced every word as if it hurt. Maybe because it did hurt. Neal rolled his eyes.

"You should have thought of that before you took up a position in Storybrooke."

It felt like a slap in the face, and Emma had to avert her eyes. "You know I didn't have a choice!"

She had applied to every surgical program in Portland, and the ones closer to it. But she had been accepted in none, but one in Alaska. Her fucking safety choice. That was all she got. The failure had tasted as bitter as the vodka she used to try and swallow it. Emma knew it would be hard, and she was no bright student with bright schools and accomplishments in her resumée. People had told her she had to please this or that teacher, but she never had the time for that. They also told her that the best jobs always went to the heirs of some grand Dr. Badass, and well… Emma was kinda missing in the parents side. So yeah, she got nothing.

And then this kind of miracle happened, and she got a call. Someone had given up, dropped dead, left the country - it didn't matter. She got a call, asking her if she was still interested. A call from Storybrooke Hospital. Just one of the best surgical programs in the country. One in which she never thought she had a chance, to begin with. And damn, it wasn't in Alaska. It was in Maine, it was still in fucking Maine.

"You know I was so ready to give this shit up, Neal. I wasn't going to go to Alaska, you knew that, I'd never try and drag him there… But this chance… It's like… I don't even fucking know how I got it. It's crazy, and too good to be truth, and you know I can't…" She ran out of breath, trying to keep the tears from falling and her voice from breaking.

Neal looked away, as if he was uncomfortable too. He was sure expecting the anger, but he never knew what to do with the tears. "I know, Ems," He whispered at last. "And you deserve it, honest. You do. But you're making a choice, here."

"Don't say that."

"I'm not criticizing, ok? I'm just saying…"

"Do _not_ say it," She told him through gritted teeth, and Neal sighed.

He didn't say it, but Emma knew nevertheless. She would have to leave Henry with him. She was making a choice, and it wasn't her son.

"You are a fucking asshole sometimes, you know that, right? Why are you making me do this?"

Choosing. When he was the one… he was the one that had that _we'll figure it out_ rule in the first place?

"I'm not making you do anything."

"Yes! Yes, you are! You are trying to convince me that what I'm doing is one-sided, selfish, wrong at some level."

"I'm not-"

"It's the dream, Neal! The dream! But i'm not leaving my son behind because of it, and it's a real jerk move of you to convince me that it is what I'm doing. He's not the one asking for stability, you are! Are you bailing on me now?"

He sighed. He fucking sighed again, and it was when Emma realized what she had known for a long time. They were not a family anymore. They were two parents that no longer shared a unit mentality. They were on their own now, and Neal sure was fighting tooth and nail to stay that way.

"His vacations are with me. And holidays. I don't care if Easter is your favorite, you are giving it up for me, got it?"

Neal eyed her like he was analysing pros and cons. There was not much to analyse, really.

"Alright," He conceded like Emma knew he would. Like she would, if roles were reversed.

"And it's not permanent. After the whole crazy intern year is over I want to talk about this again."

"We can do that," He opened his arms like he was surrendering, but Emma had a sinking, bitter feeling in her gut that it was just for show. He had won.

So, she was leaving his son behind. She was choosing her dream, but she was choosing Henry too, she had to tell herself that. Because what she'd become and who she would be… It was all for Henry too. It was a hard exercise, a painful thought to maintain.

But it was her reason. And in the end of the day, it didn't even feel like a choice anyway.

* * *

 **~SQ~**

Emma leaned in over the balcony, whistling to the barman with two fingers in her mouth. The woman in the stool by her side flinched at the sound.

"Was that really necessary, Dr. Swan?" Asked a familiar, low voice.

Emma whipped her head sideways to watch Dr. Mills bringing a martini to her lips and sipping it without averting her eyes from the intern. The surprise must have shown in her face, as the woman arched a perfect eyebrow inquisitively.

Emma recovered, shaking her head. "Actually, yeah. Have you tried making Wes stop flirting around and getting you a beer?"

Dr. Mills rested her glass on the counter slowly, "I'm usually the one he's flirting with."

It was Emma's turn to arch an eyebrow. Was Mills drunk? She glanced around shortly without acknowledging any of the doctor's usual gang - what meant they weren't there, since those doctors were hardly missable. Emma hesitated for a second, then shrugged, "Yeah, I bet."

Regina Mills was probably the kind of woman that couldn't pass unbothered by any bar in the world.

"Wes, dear," She called, waving lightly. Though her voice was barely above the loud beat coming from the speakers, the man turned around immediately, all but sliding through the floor to grin at the woman.

"Yes, Regina? Can I get you another?"

"Not yet," She threw him a reckless grin. "But my colleague here needs a beer."

Wes glanced at Emma as if only then he noticed her standing there, then nodded curtly. "Gemma, right?"

"Oh, come on, I'm here six nights a week."

"Sorry, hon. I'll get you that beer."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Asshole."

By her side came an unexpected giggle, and Emma bit her lip. "Thank you."

Mills waved dismissively, then sipped her drink again, "How do you manage it?"

"What?"

"The internship, the kid, _and_ being here six nights a week," She said. Emma wondered again if the woman was drunk - she must be, to make conversation.

"I don't," Emma replied as Wes landed an iced mug in front of her and then asked _Mills_ if he could get her anything else. "Oh my God, asshole!" She called again for good measure, before drinking.

She was about to excuse herself when she noticed Mills was still staring, as if waiting for the rest of the answer. This only got weirder, but Emma supposed getting a table alone and fending for herself the rest of the night wasn't any more appealing. She climbed the stool.

"The kid lives with his dad," She mumbled into the mug. "We lived near Portland while I was in med school, then I took this position here, and... Neal already had a good job there, so... He guessed I wouldn't have the time. To keep the kid. Guess he was right. I'd starve a cactus, these days."

She gulped the beer trying to swallow the bitterness in her throat along with the embarrassment of having overshared. Jesus, the woman already didn't like her, and now this. Usually, Emma was so not the type to talk about her life over a beer. Not the type to talk about her life, period. But the nights when she had to say goodbye to Henry, those were just the worst. Waving him away from the station, trying to laugh at his funny faces against the glass window, it was just too fucking hard. And this weekend? Oh, this weekend he had news.

"You must miss him terribly," Regina said, her finger rounding the edge of her glass, raising an acute sound.

"You have any kids?" Emma retorted, shifting in her seat, desperate to change the focus from her bad parenting.

"I don't," The tone was enough to tell her it had been the wrong thing to say. The sharpness she had come to know so well filled Regina's voice, then broke it. "I can't."

They both stared at their drinks, as Emma tried to absorb everything that was inserted in those four short words. The longing, the frustration, the hatred. Did she just really feel all of that in two sentences? She didn't know Dr. Mills very well, but right now it was easy to understand.

"Life's nonsense," She replied at last. "I was seventeen when I got knocked up, fucking penniless, basically a High School drop out, and I didn't want it. Fuck, I'm still bad at it, no matter how hard I try. And then someone like you, a goddamn genius with the perfect life..."

Emma looked up to meet Regina's eyes, and her stomach dropped. Was it recognition she saw there? A sparkle of it, just for a moment? Once, she had been a scarred pregnant girl, and an intern had told her she'd be quite something someday. She did and didn't want that to ever come up. Was it coming up?

"You think I have the perfect life?" Was all Regina said, letting out a snort. The sparkle was gone from her eyes.

"Maybe not," Emma conceded. "We're both drinking alone in a Sunday night, after all."

"Well, I've been drinking alone since Friday night," She corrected, waving at Wes again. "Then I ran out of liquor."

Emma snorted as another full mug was put in front of her. "Gotta catch up, then."

Regina nodded as she sipped a brand new martini. "Where's your crew?" She asked. "In my days, the group of interns got so tight it was Freudian material."

"A couple of them are on call," Emma said, sighing. "One out of town. Can't really stand the other."

Regina chuckled, "Now it sounds about right."

"What about yours?"

"Do I have a crew?"

"Oh, shit, you have a fucking scary gang and you know it."

Regina scoffed, "Oh, right. How is it they call us, these days?"

Emma gulped her beer. _The witches._

"The witches, is it?" Mills drawled.

"Sexist bullshit," Emma mumbled, drawing the other woman's eyes.

"You just said we are scarry."

"Yeah, I mean, a group of powerful, badass, talented women? It puts you on your toes, right? I didn't mean it as a bad thing. It's not a bad thing."

Regina watched her mindfully, then nodded before throwing the rest of her drink back. "Wes," She called, her voice smooth with inebriety. "Another round, please."

"My mug's still pretty full," Emma pointed out.

"Well, dear, you said it yourself. Gotta catch up."

The intern smirked and Regina watched as Emma gulped down her beer like a dredge. She guessed there was a time she was able to do such a thing, too. College years, then probably throughout her internship, on rough nights. Ursula was the biggest drinker, but Regina never fell far behind her. Then those nights dwindled away, given in to husbands, and houses and studies. But now, well, if she kept up this pace, Regina would soon be back to her glory days, she thought drunkenly.

She hadn't told anyone. Every time she picked up the phone, the humiliation burning in her stomach would prevent her from calling. What good would it do to call her friends, anyway? To whisk them away from their beds, their children, their lovers. Only to comfort the wreckage that was Regina Mills. Again.

 _Nobody can stand it anymore, Regina._

Instead, she drank, and she wiped the floor. She listened to music, and she drank. She might have cried a little too much while she drank. Then the house started closing in on her and all the bottles were empty. She grabbed the car keys, driving blindly, stupidly, until she got there. At the hospital, of course. She couldn't go in, not in that state, not if she still cared for her reputation in the least. That was the only place where she knew who she was and what to do, but she couldn't go in. So she crossed the street to Joey's.

"Thank you, _dear_ ," Swan was growling at the cute barman as he poured them both new drinks. He was young and harmless, and some nights Regina didn't mind the attention.

Tonight, there was Emma Swan. Also young, and tentative in so many ways. But Regina wouldn't render her harmless, no. There was something fierce about her, and familiar too. Maybe they were a bit alike. Two lonely souls meeting at a bar, she was sure there were dozens of movies about it.

"I wasn't very nice to you, before," Regina said, eyeing the girl carefully.

"What, you'll start now?" She grinned.

"I don't suppose it would make much of a difference to you either way."

Dr. Swan shrugged, "I'm used to people not being nice. Never stopped me before."

"You are not a pumpkin pie yourself."

"Anger issues, the social worker used to call," She threw the information in casually enough for Regina almost let it slip. "I'm a lot better, though. Should had seen me as a kid, I was the face of teen angst."

Once upon a time, Regina was so fond of people who made fun of themselves. They were usually the easiest to talk to, the less inclined to be jerks, the more inclined to be flirty. She blinked, staring at the straight face of the young doctor by her side, and wondered if that was what they were doing.

There was nothing trapping in those green eyes, and either way Regina felt something start buzzing in the small space between them.

"What did you do?" Regina asked, crushing the olive of her drink between her teeth and gesturing for Wes to get her another. "To get over your _anger issues_?"

Emma averted her eyes there, finished her beer to keep up. "Had a fucking baby?" She let out eventually. "Can't be angry if you're so tired you can't bring a spoon to your mouth without hitting your nose twice."

"That sounded specific enough for me to believe it indeed happened."

"Don't picture it," Emma pleaded.

"Too late."

Jesus, they _were_ flirting.

"Why did you keep him?" She asked suddenly, fully knowing it was a too intimate of a question to make. If she scarred the girl away, it would probably be for the best.

"Why don't you adopt?" Emma bounced back, not missing a beat.

"I thought about it."

"I thought about it too."

They sipped their drinks.

"His daddy's got a girlfriend," Swan announced, a sudden bitterness dripping from the words. "Anna. Champion at building snowmen or something. She's got a prize for that. Did you know there are snowmen competitions?"

"I did not know that."

"Me neither, but Anna has won some."

Regina chuckled into her glass, a sound as dry as her martini. Then they were two broken-hearted drunks, how much more of a cliché could it get?

"Still not over him, I suppose?" She asked while Emma sipped her beer. "This... Neal?"

"What? No!" She squirted a little beer from her nose, making Regina frown. "Shit, sorry about that." The girl grabbed a napkin, giggling. "But, no. Really, I'm so not pining over Neal."

"Then what is the deal with Anna, the snowman maker?"

"My fucking kid! He wouldn't shut up about her!" She brought the napkin to her face as if she could wipe away her outburst.

"You are jealous of your son?" Regina raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not jealous, ok?" Swan shook her head. "I'm just worried. And pissed cause Neal didn't discuss it with me before introducing her. We had a deal about this. He wasn't supposed to..."

"Get a girlfriend?" Regina nudged, receiving a unamused glare in return.

"Look, I'm not around this much anymore, you know. And that's tough enough. Now..." She trailed off, made a dismissive gesture and went back to her beer.

Regina didn't need any more clarification, though. She let the air out, thinking about her broken furniture, about Robin leaving. And about this new woman, the one who was having his baby. She thought about how she felt robbed of something she had fought so hard to secure. And she just knew all too well how Emma Swan felt.

"My husband left me," She said the words to herself, tasting them in her mouth. Measuring the damage.

"Well, that's a moron," Emma replied softly.

Regina snorted. "Life's nonsense," She quoted, turning in the stool to face her.

"Yeah, but..." Emma looked her in the eyes fearlessly. There was more there than Regina felt able to acknowledge. "Do you ever think everything happens for a reason?"

There was a sequence of flashes; a green-eyed teenager, brand new babies in the nursery, anger issues, Daniel kissing her in the hospital hall, a pregnancy test - a mysterious kaleidoscope powered by martinis. There was no reason. There was just life.

"Shut up," Regina whispered back, and leaned in.

Emma met her halfway as if they had been warming up to that moment the whole night. Were they? It was more of an assured kiss than she would have guessed, the mouth against hers warm and real, soft and alive. It didn't last long; a test drive wasn't a ride home, but it did the trick. They parted just slightly wide-eyed, before Regina beckoned, "Let's get out of here."

A howling wind whipped Emma's hair around as they stepped onto the street, and Regina ravished the insides of her purse before whisking her car keys. Swan shot her a disbelieving glance before shaking her head, "You're not driving."

Regina opened her mouth to argue, but there was not a case there. She shouldn't have driven there, in the first place. The keys vanished again in her purse. "A cab, then."

"My place's three blocks away," Emma said, making it sound like an invitation and a challenge, somehow. For both possibilities, Regina had had martinis enough.

"Lead the way."

Her flat was tiny and messed up, with takeout boxes piling up on top of the kitchen counter. But as Emma pulled Regina by the waist, she forgot about her own huge kitchen island in her private condom house, and about the fact she was at least ten years older than the woman kissing her neck, not to mention her boss, and that their behavior was inappropriate at best. She forgot anything that wasn't Emma's heated mouth spreading chills through her body.

Mal had told her once that there were only two kinds of sex - one during which you thought about everything, and one during which you couldn't think at all. And while Emma met her mouth again with a starved kiss, dragging her to a very untidy bed, Regina already knew which one this was gonna be.

Regina sat down, sighing as their lips were pulled apart by the movement. Emma held her by the back of her neck, climbing her lap to fix that problem, kissing her again. The other hand was undoing Regina's shirt with a disconcerting ability, and once Emma's lips started travelling down her throat, her hands were already cupping Regina's breasts over the bra.

Emma didn't put up any resistance when Regina crumpled her pullover between her fingers and pulled it up over her head, tangling it in blonde hair until a gasping Emma Swan appeared on the other side. Swan smirked, her freckled, light skin glowing under the yellow light from the abajour. Then she pushed Regina back, and she was staring at a starred ceiling, the stickers faded now that the lights were on. Emma's face eclipsed the stars as she leaned in, her lips everywhere at once; teasing Regina's mouth, nibbling at her chin, burning down her neck.

She grabbed Emma by the waist, arching her back as a swift hand ran through her spine and unclipped her bra. Regina couldn't believe the raw sensation of Emma's tongue when she mouthed a nipple, nor the gasping whimper she let out. There was something there, more than mere chemistry, more than alcohol-induced inconsequence.

Emma _wanted_ her.

Regina shivered, sinking her nails into the soft skin and tight muscles of Emma's back. Emma panted against her breasts, then growled very, very low, as if Regina had just provoked a barely-tamed animal. Nimble fingers undid her jeans, the zipper sliding down with the sound of a promise. When Emma hooked her fingers on it and pulled it down her legs, Regina raised her hips to help. There was nothing within her denying. Nothing.

For the first time in forever, she felt utterly desired. The heat of Emma's hand, the rasp on her voice, the wheezing of her breathing - it all told a story Regina wanted so much to hear. No 'but', no doubt, no contradiction, and for once, no worries. Just them, together, skin against skin, tongue tasting tongue. Her body felt so ready for it, it could burst into a million pieces.

The small sound Emma made against her lips when her right hand slid under her panties informed Regina of just how wet she was. She didn't mind, she didn't mind in the least if there was no way to hide the euphory growing in the pit of her stomach. And Emma smelled so nice, tasted so good, and touched her so right she wanted to cry out.

"I'm coming," She yelped, though she was pretty sure Emma's fingers were still wandering in a reconnaissance mission.

The orgasm coursed through her body as electricity, lighting up parts of her Regina hadn't acknowledged in years. It was pleasure, simple, powerful, overwhelming. And she wanted more. Emma kissed her in a hurry - was she shaking too, or was it just Regina? - biting on her lower lip as if assuring her they were far from done, and Regina responded entwining trembling fingers in golden hair and cursing in a puffy voice that echoed down Emma's throat.

And they were on again, rolling onto the mattress, getting rid of the remaining clothes with the drunken fumble of two people too intoxicated by each other. "Oh, God," She moaned when Emma found way inside of her, her teeth seizing Regina's left nipple while her tongue flicked the tip. " _Fuck_ , _yes_ ," She added when a thumb pressed her clit in such a glorious way all the curses lined up in her mouth were lost in a series of cries.

Emma quivered against her, keeping up, up, up inside her, turning the orgasm into an explosion. They both needed a moment when it was over, Emma coming up to kiss her again, and Regina glanced at her hot, red cheeks, her labored breath suddenly too revealing. "Did you…?" She whispered into Emma's lips, frowning. "Did you just… too?"

Emma's face flushed even harder, if possible, when she nodded slightly. "I can't, I can't help it," The tone was almost apologetic. "When you come like this, I can't help it."

Regina stared at her, the feel of their sweated, hot skins brushing all over, and tried to take in the fact Emma had spontaneous orgasms just by watching her come. The feeling that washed over her was so brutally arousing she groaned. She pulled Emma in for a kiss, a famished, nervous kiss. Yes, Emma wanted her. Emma wanted her in a sexy, undeniable, uncomplicated way that was heaven. Fucking heaven.

When the blonde broke the kiss and headed south, Regina's heart felt like a wild bird trying to burst out of her ribcage. Her temples, her nipples, her clit - it all throbbed like thunders in a storm. Emma went down on her like it was the last time she would ever have a woman - or at least it was how it felt. Regina grabbed the sheets, her hips convulsing enough so that Emma had to hold her thighs forcefully to keep her in place. She came so hard it was maddening; she forgot her name, her life, what planet she lived in. She inhabited Emma's world now, and it was freaking enough.

It got even better when she realized Emma had come again, too, whimpering against her pubis like she was too dizzy to straighten herself again. Regina dove a hand through her hair - her nails running through the scalp and making Emma shiver - and pulled her up. Their eyes met first, then noses, then lips - then hips.

They moaned together this time, marvelling at the perfect fit of their bodies. When Emma started to move, Regina held her by the waist and helped. They couldn't be more together if they tried. Jesus, she had heard so much romantic crap about how a man and a woman turned into one, but right now? Emma was more inside of her then she had ever felt. Every charge of her hips was a lightening of pure heat and pleasure running her through. They kissed, and they panted, and they moaned until it was unbearable.

The bed creaked and hammered the wall, and they were both too blind and deaf to notice. The abajour trembled in the bedside table, and it seemed just logical that the word would swing with them. It crumbled to the floor as Regina cried out, orgasming like a volcano exploding. There was a buzz when the plug was pulled and the lights went out.

Regina was left with Emma's comforting weight in her arms and shining green stars above.

 **~SQ~**

* * *

 **So, this nonsense, not at all worried about a time line chapter was fun to write!**

 **It was a crazy thing that I wanted to try, and I hope it was enjoyable for you too and, you know, not all that confusing.**

 **It took me a while, but hey, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS UPDATE!**

 **Pretty cool, am I right?**

 **Am I right?!**

 **Hahaha, l** **et me know.**

 **I'll see you soon(er)!**


	6. Quite Something

Emma slept as any intern should when they managed to catch a break: like a rock. Or like a mummy, should she not make so much noise. Yes, Emma Swan snored, a knowledge Regina never thought she'd acquire. And Regina… just laid in bed for a couple moments, until her world wasn't spinning anymore, either from booze or other… activities.

She stared at the stars and the moon neon stickers on the ceiling, though the light from the real moon outside lightened the room and made the fake one no longer shine. It was such a weird feeling to stare down and capture all the details of a bedroom that wasn't hers, of a sheet that also wasn't her 1000-thread-count Egyptian-cotton, and to be naked bellow that worn light-green not Egyptian sheet. How long had it been since she laid naked on a bed? Too long.

Regina remembered the feelings of having the light touch of fabric above and below her, and a satisfaction and a tranquility that filled everything else. It was not just the sex, was it? That she didn't have with Robin long before he cheated on her. It was the quietude that didn't scream at her that she was alone. The serenity of laying naked because she was too peaceful and languid to put on clothes _after_ the sex.

Emma Swan. It had been good. No. More than good, almost an out of body experience that released her in more ways than one. She could still feel sexy, aroused, she could move and be moved by somebody else. She could be touched without a care in the world. Sure, there was not some, but a lot of bitterness inside of her, the pain that Robin caused and a surprised sensation, because she never thought she'd feel so hurt by anyone, and not by _him_ , surely. But Emma Swan helped. It was _madness_ , but she helped.

It was a one-night stand, assuredly. Regina couldn't sleep with her again, it had served its purpose. She was freer now, she was lighter… and Emma was an intern, for Christ's sake. A hot intern that could do so much with her hands and mouth, a daring intern that made her wet and panting and begging for… an _intern_! Regina was not Mal, sure she shouldn't… although it had been such a great experience, and should it be anyone else she wouldn't mind repeating, but…

She couldn't be long in Emma's apartment, this she was certain of. Sleeping with an intern was bad enough, sleeping _in,_ though, was intolerable.

So, with more effort than she'd mind admitting, she gathered her things, her car keys in Emma's jeans – that the woman had wisely taken away from her, and she had her own stroke of a genius to even remember that. She tried her best to not roam around, to hover or anything that would make the situation even more difficult, but, as she searched for the apartment keys, she caught a glimpse of a photograph. Emma, a very young blonde girl, around seventeen or eighteen years of age, holding this tiny baby that looked just like a cute, so cute, _wrinkled knee_.

It was Henry.

A nagging feeling pressured the bottom of her head, and it could be the hangover, but it seemed more like a memory trying to make its way up. Regina blinked, welcoming it instead of pushing it away. Her eyes traveled to the woman sleeping, no blankets or covers to hide her modesty, and Regina had thought she'd seen Emma. She surely _touched_ every inch of that body she could put her hands on, but what really caught Regina's attention now was a scar, a scar just below her ribcage.

A light bulb went on inside her head, and she almost stumbled backwards. Her fingers touched her temples and memories of distant, happier times filled her mind. She approached Emma slowly, one step and then two. Regina looked closer at the scar, but what was playing in front of her were scenes from a past she had so buried in, she never thought it would come out like this.

Emma's scar didn't look like a gunshot wound, but a surgical one. It had not been done by a plastic surgeon, but a general surgeon, or a surgery intern.

 _Could it be?_

It couldn't be, right?

Emma wasn't, couldn't be that angry pregnant teenager girl that got shot and ended up on Storybrooke Hospital when Regina was an intern herself. The girl she gave the big news to, cared for, wished for the better.

She just couldn't.

Regina had to see it through. She had to know, it was pivotal that she knew.

She would go to the hospital and… _what_?

What good would it do to know? What traumas would it awake? Would it awake _Regina_?

God, she was just so different back then. What if Emma was the teenager that she came to like and care in so little time, that had her talking family with Daniel and… Regina couldn't go forward. Except she had to. Maybe this Emma wasn't the Emma from her youth. Maybe that whole fuss was for nothing.

She showered in the hospital; there was no time to waste because she had to find out before she changed her mind altogether about it. Regina entered the place reeking of sex and alcohol, an incredible sight for anyone who knew her or her reputation, but she didn't even bother to glance at whoever had the nerve of staring. Regina showered there, got herself in clean clothes and then there she was.

"What do you mean it is not in the system?" She inquired the unsuspected new nurse on the computer. "It has to be! It happened here! We don't just burn charts. You are having us confounded with some dump place you've worked before coming here."

"I- I can check it for you," The girl stuttered.

"Yes, you go do that." Regina huffed, propping her elbows on the counter, very much aggravated by this whole nonsense. What a thought. What a mess. She didn't need mess right now, she needed… _what did she need?_

Anyway, the nurse scurried off quickly enough.

"I'm sorry, when was it that you said it happened?" An even younger nurse, if that was possible, asked her.

"Ten to eleven years ago. The name of the patient is Emma, she was a teenager admitted with a gunshot on the abdomen, and had a gastrointestinal perforation," She recited, almost amazed at how the details came to her so easily.

"We are still digitizing some old charts, and maybe we didn't get to those yet. But I know where it is," The girl added quickly after seeing Regina's face. "I'll go check too."

"Why are you scaring all the nurses here? I thought you liked them," Katherine appeared by her side, like she was summoned by the God of young inexperienced nurses.

"Well, dear, that does not concern you," She answered, trying not to bark at her friend, though it was proving to be difficult at the moment.

Katherine raised one eyebrow at her.

"Alright, just remember that they are the ones that keep this hospital running, and if there is a nurse strike I'll be personally blaming you."

Regina scoffed. "Go check on some premature babies and let me be."

"Well, they are much cuter than you," Katherine pointed out before leaving. Regina didn't fight, because that was a given.

Almost on the spot, New Nurse #2 appeared with an old chart in hands.

"What is your name again?" Regina asked, accepting the chart.

"Belle."

"Well, Belle, you seem competent enough." She was about to look at the chart when she turned her head a bit. "You nurses are not thinking about a strike, are you?"

The girl smiled, a happy and sweet smile that didn't sit well with Regina, because Belle was just one of those happy shining people. "No, Dr. Mills."

"Good." She said before turning on her heels, chart clutched close to her chest.

She walked into the doctor's lounge, where she spent the next half an hour looking at a chart that couldn't possibly be fooling her. The date of birth of that Emma Swan was the same as the _current_ Emma Swan; the name, likewise; the blood type, a match.

There was no way the chart told her anything different than: she screwed that angry, pregnant teenager girl from ten years ago.

Shit.

* * *

 **~SQ~**

* * *

The elevator arrived with a soft _ping_ and Ruby held the door while gesturing all of them inside. "Come _on_ , don't make me late, I don't want the Evil Queen on my ass today," She pressed as Killian took his sweet time at the hall mirror.

"I can't believe we're on her service today," August groaned, stepping inside. "I'm not wearing the right cologne for how much that woman makes me sweat. It won't hold, I know it won't."

"Maybe once in your life you'll smell like a man, mate," Killian suggested.

"The eyeliner guy is talking gender roles?" Mulan said under her breath.

"Not about gender - this dude smells like an air-freshener."

"I'll have you know Azarro is a _very_ expensive fragrance-"

Emma snorted and rolled her eyes as the so-called men went on with their bantering. Ruby gave her an amused glance and leaned in to dust some invisible hair from the blonde's shoulder. "Are you alright?" She asked softly. "You've been awfully quiet."

"Yeah, I'm cool."

"I know Dr. Mills has been pretty hard on you before…"

 _She was pretty hard the other night_ , Emma thought smugly. But the amusement fainted quickly when the elevator reached the third floor.

"I'm gonna be alright," She assured, and Ruby smiled as they made their way out.

Regina had sneaked out of the apartment while Emma was still fast asleep, which was probably for the best, if she were being honest. The intern had never been very good at pillow talk, and she felt a little desperate about facing Dr. Mills even before she opened her eyes in the morning.

Then she found nobody there. Only this faint scent on the sheets.

Emma wanted to blame it on the booze, but she wasn't that wasted. Maybe, if she had been, she wouldn't have such vivid memories. It hadn't been about the alcohol - it had been about loneliness, what was so sad to think about, so pathetic. Then it had been about nothing at all but them; Regina's mouth and hands and breasts and eyes. It had been about a dream Emma had long ago buried deep down - this dream that she, too, could have something as precious and as pretty as the woman she met at the hospital when she was a teenager.

In the end of the day, though, none of it mattered. Mills sneaked out, and it wasn't as if Emma had her phone to ask her if she made it home safe. Or ask her for a coffee to cure the hangover, or anything. Not that Emma would. She wouldn't. Because in the end of the day, that shit could never happen again. It didn't matter how vivid were the memories.

She had worked too hard to throw everything out of the window now. Henry was counting on her, Neal was counting on her, Emma counted on herself. There was no way in the world she'd jeopardize her career by sleeping with an attending, with her boss! There was only one way it could possibly go: south. Regina hadn't earned the title of Evil Queen for no reason; she was fast to enrage, slow to forget. Hadn't Emma witnessed that already? One night of steamy sex wasn't about to change things for the best, but any misstep now could really make it worse.

All this was crystal clear on her mind, yet the sight of Dr. Mills leaning over the balcony to retrieve a tablet made her stomach lurch. She came so fast the first time, Emma wasn't even really trying yet, just fumbling, discovering her body, and then-

"Oh, well, better late than never, I suppose they say?" She remarked, throwing them a casual glare. Emma checked her watch discreetly: they were two minutes late.

The group of interns exchanged glances, trying to nudge one another to answer, but before they came to a decision, Mills turned on her heels and started down the hallway. Not a glance spared to the uneasy intern at the back of the group. "I assume you are all familiarized with my patients' charts."

"Of course, Dr. Mills," Mulan said promptly.

 _Of course not_ was probably the honest answer for the rest of them. It was crazy hard to acknowledge all of the cases on the surgical program in time for the rounds, but they usually kind of managed it, working extra hours in advance of their specialty weeks. But even though they had been on Cardiothoracic service for a few days, they were only acquainted with Dr. Hatter's patients, or any other Cardiothoracic attending or fellow other than Dr. Mills, really, because the woman wasn't a fan of bringing interns to her rounds - it had never happened in the three months they were working there.

So nope, they were not familiarized. They were fucked.

"Good morning, Ms. Davies," Dr. Mills greeted, making the young adult on the bed avert her eyes from the phone.

"You've brought a crowd." The girl eyed them carefully, and God help her if it didn't linger on Killian.

"They are surgery interns, and they will accompany in rounds today."

"They look a little scared."

"Word of your terrible temper must have reached them," Mills replied easily, eyes roaming the girl's chart on the tablet, missing the grin she earned. "How have you been lately?"

"You know, the food here still sucks. And my heart is still falling apart."

"It's not falling apart on my watch." Regina assured, putting the tablet down before approaching the bed. She checked the girl's vitals swiftly, replying to the light provocations with humor and grins she rarely spent with others. Then she turned to the interns.

"Carol Davies is twenty-one years old, and was born with a congenital heart condition that causes four structural defects of the heart. She had three heart surgeries before the age of five, and is schedule to have the fourth in a couple of days to replace a heart valve. Who can tell me what is this condition?"

Mulan's hand shot up faster than a bullet, and August's followed a heartbeat later; Emma took a moment to realize she too knew the answer to that one, and belatedly - and without hope - she raised her hand as well.

"Dr. Swan." Mills pointed to her absently. Emma stopped, taken by surprise, then cleared her throat to disguise.

"Is it… Tetralogy of Fallot?"

"Are you asking me?"

"It's Tetralogy of Fallot, Dr. Mills."

The woman nodded curtly, her eyes meeting Emma's for a moment, shining dark. "And what are these defects?" Hands shot up again, all of them now.

"I call them Shit #1, Shit #2, Shit #3 and Shit #4," The patient ventured, grabbing her phone back.

"Unfortunately, this is less than academically acceptable," Dr. Mills said.

"Snobs."

Regina grinned. "Go on, Dr. Swan."

"Pulmonary stenosis," Emma said quickly, as if some of the others would steal her chance if she didn't. "Overriding aorta, ventricular septal defect, and right ventricular hypertrophy," She finished, then turned slightly to Carol Davies. "Though I think you named them pretty well yourself."

"Thank you!"

"That's correct," Mills consented, not even glaring at the intern for the joke. "Well done."

Emma blinked. Well done? _Well done?_ She couldn't be more surprised if Dr. Mills had given her a hug and a kiss on the forehead. The intern didn't need to look around to apprehend the looks of surprise and wonder on the face of her crew, and her cheeks grew warm and red.

"Th-thanks," She whispered.

"Before the nineties, around twenty percent of babies born with Tetralogy of Fallot couldn't make it," She went on, professoral now.

"I'm so lucky to be part of Generation Z," Carol sighed.

"Indeed you are," The attending nodded. "Because it gave Professor Robert Anderson time to develop his studies and map the anatomy of heart defects." She turned to them again. "I don't suppose one of you could tell me about his subsequent MD thesis that today allows thousands of babies to have healthy lives?"

The hard swallow was almost unison. Not even Mulan raised her bullet hand. Dr. Mills glanced at them lightly, one eyebrow just barely arched, as if she really didn't expect any of them to know, as if she was only making sure they were aware of how little and inexperienced they were. Then her eyes met Emma's again, dark and hard and challenging as always, but not belligerent anymore, somehow. Still they brought out of her this desperate need of being worthy, a sheer fear of disappointing, as if Regina's opinion of her was the one that truly mattered. It was stupid and Emma hated herself for it, hands closing in fists by her sides - but still her brain reacted like magic, pulling to the surface a faint memory of a complex study about congenital heart defects.

She raised her hand hesitantly, and Mills cocked her head. "Dr. Swan?"

"The thesis was about the anatomic origins of the electrical impulses of the heart?" The doubtful tone was unintentional, and she followed it with everything else she remembered. "One of the risks of cardiac surgery is short-circuiting the electrical pathways in the heart, which produces heart block. His research clarified the location of electrical pathways due to holes surgeons were finding in the heart as a result of congenital defects. Because of it, now doctors know better how to diagnose and how to put the stitches during heart surgeries," She said, barely taking a breath. There was a short silence.

"Well, I'm impressed," Carol Davies cheered. Emma pressed her lips, refusing to avert her eyes from the attending stare.

"Dr. Swan, perhaps you'd like to assist me in Ms. Davies surgery tomorrow?" She said at last. It wasn't really a question. She turned to the patient again. "I'll come by later, Carol. Please, don't flirt with the nurses again."

"Why? Am I making them uncomfortable?"

"No, just insufferably cheerful," Mills huffed, before saying goodbye.

 _Uncomfortable and cheerful. I think I know how they feel._

* * *

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"What. The. Fuck. Was that?" Ruby said, eyes full of wonder.

"Man, the Evil Queen must have had some heart for breakfast and was _really_ satisfied," August replied. The elevator stopped at the first floor, and they took the way to the cafeteria without even mentioning it.

"She must've had some _ass_ ," Killian grinned.

"You're gross," Emma grumbled, hoping the heat wouldn't crawl up her neck and reach her cheeks.

"Why am I gross? I'm just saying. The woman needed to let out some steam, and I'm not the only one to think so."

"Why every time a man doesn't like a woman's attitude he blames it on the lack of sex?" Mulan ventured, and Emma raised her hand to give her a high five.

"And she was just doing her job. It wasn't like she invited us for lunch or asked about our feelings."

"Might as well," August said. "I've never seem Dr. Mills that friendly. I mean, I'm not even stinking. Am I?" He raised his arm and shoved his armpit into Mulan's face, making the girl punch him in the ribs so he'd lower his arm again to block the blow. "Ouch!"

"I don't need a close up of your sweaty pit," She complained, then straightened her jacket. "But you still smell nice."

"See?!"

They entered the line to grab sandwiches and sodas, lowering their voices to a murmur now that there were other people around. "I heard she's married to this really hot dude." Ruby started.

"Is he a doctor too?" August asked.

Ruby shook her head. "No, it's like a fireman or something. Sexy, isn't it?"

"How do you even know this?" Emma crossed her arms.

"I'm friends with the nurses? And they know everything."

"Friends? Is it how millenials are calling it now?"

"Shut up, Killian," Ruby replied, her eyes barely flying up to meet Emma's before averting again. He offered her a lopsided grin.

"What? I'm just saying…"

"Saying what?" The girl hissed. "At least I'm not the one whoring myself up to an attending only to get to hold suction in some lame surgeries."

"I am not _whoring_ myself! It's consensual se-"

"When you get compensated by your services in bed-"

"Guys, come on," Mulan interrupted, resting a calming hand on Ruby's arm. "We're all grown-ups here, right?"

The discussion died down easily enough. They weren't a particularly quarrelsome lot; they spent way too much time together for that. Ruby's anger rarely lasted more than a few seconds, and Killian shrugged things off with a toss of his hair. Mulan wasn't one to get upset, like ever, and August was just the goofiest of them. Honestly, it was what Emma liked the most about them. She wished she felt the same, but the truth was harder to admit - once she got angry and bothered, it lasted, it simmered, until it overcame her.

She stood silently in line as the conversation moved to lighter subjects, but all the time there was this tight ball of fire in the pit of her stomach, and her hands balled into fists without her being aware of it. Ruby tried to make eye contact once, her cheeks a little flushed, and mouthed "You ok?". The blonde nodded in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. So Killian had insinuated Ruby slept with the nurses. Wow. Big news.

Yes, they had had a moment the week before. Maybe they had been walking towards something, but pretty slowly. Maybe it would still happen, maybe they'd avert paths. Ruby sleeping with the nurses - or with anyone else - wasn't going to be a reason why. Emma wasn't a hypocrite. And that was not what was bothering her.

 _At least I'm not the one whoring myself up to an attending_ , she had said. Emma's guts clenched. They'd all joke about it, tease Killian all the time about his infamous affair with Dr. Draco, then they'd dismiss it, pretend it was just for the provocation, that they didn't care that much - but they did. And Killian was a man, what was an attenuating, if Emma was being honest. Killian was a man, and he came from an Ivy League school, and he had family money and nothing much to prove. Still, the other interns would whisper behind his back - not them, they were kind of loyal, even to him -, but the other groups, they'd whisper. And in the end of the day, weren't they right? Jesus.

Emma had been so careless to do something like that, to flirt with an attending in a bar, to lead her home, to sleep with her without a moment to consider the consequences. That was old Emma behavior, stupid Emma behavior. She couldn't even think of what her friends would say if they found out about it. If they knew the _ass_ the Evil Queen had had was hers.

Her cheeks flared up harder, and she forced herself to take a deep, slow breath. They weren't going to find out. They weren't. She was pretty sure Regina Mills wasn't going to spill, and Emma certainly wouldn't mention it to anyone.

 _And in the meantime, you get to assist her on a surgery._

Shit. That was a good thing! A good thing, not something to feel so ashamed about. Emma had earned that because she knew all the answers, because she took a true interest in cardiology, because she tried so fucking hard!

And yet.

Dr. Mills had never treated her like this before; not even when they were on the OR together. She could be diligent, and a competent teacher, but she wasn't polite, she wasn't supportive. Things had changed. But why?

 _Maybe she wants your intern ass again._

No, she didn't. She didn't. Right? That night had been a fluke. They were both feeling like crap and held on to each other to navigate those awful hours before dawn. So maybe it had been a remarkable fluke, a four-orgasms-straight fluke, but still. Emma wasn't going to let this stain her path. She wanted to be a good doctor, the best she could ever be. She wanted to deserve it, to give her all to succeed, but not like this.

She didn't want to be anyone's favorite. She didn't want people whispering about her in the hallways, insinuating her main talent was outside of the OR.

There was no way in hell she'd let Regina Mills demean her like this.

* * *

 **~SQ~**

* * *

"I mustn't be dead, then."

Regina smirked, and damn her if she didn't breathe a little more relieved. The surgery went fine, obviously, but still. They were always bound to have those patients who they grew more attached to.

She knew Carol since she was a child with a witty mouth, then an insufferable teenager and now… well, a still insufferable, witty-mouthed, loveable adult.

"Ms. Davies, aren't you a ray of sunshine," She shot back, smiling fully at the girl and checking her vitals and her motor response, then carefully uncovering her gown to take a closer look at the scar.

The girl scoffed, her voice a little raspy from the anesthesia.

"You learn to be a little pragmatist when you're born with a rare heart disease, I tell you."

"I don't doubt it," She conceded, touching lightly the skin around the scarred tissue on her chest. "All went fine, Carol. Impeccable job was performed at your heart today, I assure you."

"I expected no less," The patient reached for her hand, and her usually amused eyes were a little tired on the corners. "Thanks."

"Come on now," Regina squeezed her hand. "I don't suppose we have reason for seeing you at least for the next ten years."

Carol smiled for a moment.

"Like I've put some breast implants and need to come back to replace it."

"Something like that, yes. But I did such a beautiful work on your scar, Dr. Draco could never," Regina joked.

Carol let out a laugh, "Because you managed to save my life, I won't tell that to Mal. You know how sensitive she is."

"Indeed," Regina covered the girl back. "But tell me, how are you?"

"Oh, sore here and there, like someone cut into my heart… but great."

Regina hummed, trying to suppress her smile, "Carol, you know the drill. I believe I can discharge you in three days this time if you behave yourself."

"Scout's honor," She said solemnly.

Regina stared at her, unimpressed, "You are not a scout."

The patient rolled her eyes, "I'll be good. As long as you clear me to have a burger as soon as possible."

Regina blinked, because that day was not an ordinary one, when she bantered back and forth with Carol, was it? She tried to busy herself as much as she could, and tried to act as if nothing had happened, but still, that silly comment from her patient was enough to let her guard open.

When she fled Emma's apartment before dawn break, she thought she was taking the high road. Maybe she was just running, as she tended to do - afraid of what would happen if she stayed, if she let herself feel good for a little longer. That was such a naive plan, to try to outrun the consequences of her deeds.

Emma Swan was a part of her past, a long-forgotten part that had found way into the present. Now the gate was open, and it was exhausting just to guard the memories from coming rushing out.

"Baby? What baby?" Emma had asked, and what little color she had on her cheeks vanished. Regina realized in a moment her mistake. They panicked together for a split second, then she closed the door again and approached the bed. She talked to Emma in what she hoped to be a soothing voice, but the girl grew agitated until she was screaming at Regina's face there was _no way in fucking hell_ she was pregnant.

Jesus. It hadn't been fun.

Regina walked out feeling a little weak on the knees; she knew she hadn't delivered any happy news to that girl, and she wanted to stay around to check on her later. Talk about her options. Help, if she could.

She went about her day, what back then consisted on following her resident around the hospital, competing for attention, begging for surgeries. Regina had no idea at what point it had hit her, she didn't acknowledge the thought taking shape in the back of her mind. When it came to her, it was ready, more of a fact than a suspicion.

 _Fuck. I'm pregnant._

She was almost a week late on her period, and her boobs had been feeling sore - what until then she considered a symptom of PMS, so she was just waiting for it to happen any day now. But it wasn't going to happen, because she had changed pills the month before, and she made Daniel promise they'd wear condoms until her body adjusted, but then there was that night at Ursula's, and he said _I'll pull out_ , and she let him, of course she let him. He did pull out, but… oh my God, she was a fucking doctor, it was embarrassing. They were definitely telling people they planned that baby!

Because, although she was trembling as she waited the stick to become blue, she knew Daniel would hold her tight and laugh into her hair when she told him. They would work things out so Regina didn't have to stop her studies, and her internship would be over by the time the baby was born, so that was good. She could wait to start her residency a little later, but in the end it would be alright. It would all be alright.

But it hadn't been alright. Nothing had been alright. And although Regina had meant to stay in touch, a few days after Emma Swan was out of the hospital her own life turned upside down, and thoughts of that little teenage girl disappeared from her mind. Emma Swan and her unwanted pregnancy, her hard grins and serious eyes vanished in the hurricane that ravished Regina's life.

And now she was back. Life was so tricky, so cruel, sometimes. The girl that had all odds against her turned out fine. She had this beautiful, smart, easy-going son, and she had gone through med-school, forged a strong relationship with her baby's father. She turned her life around, as Regina descended into a bitter, skeptical, permanent state. Regina had been mean, called her mediocre, refused to teach her.

And still, Emma just had to know all the answers, always raising to the challenge. And in the OR, too, all she needed was guidance and a little opportunity. The girl was a raw talent, her attentive eyes and steady hands following Regina's every command. Quick-witted, focused, if a little stubborn, when it came to absorb knowledge and techniques. She had that instinct. She had it.

It was clear Swan hadn't had a superb education, as she didn't have the best record, but she had what it took.

Regina's heart ached a little.

She had to help Emma. She owed her that, in a way. She _wanted_ that. She wanted to cut the rough diamond that was Emma Swan. Regina lost so much in life and was losing even now, if she were to be honest… so she couldn't lose that opportunity. She wouldn't waste the chance to be better, to make better, to give Emma, Henry… better.

She came to a decision.

She would mentor Emma. She would mentor Emma and nothing more.

"Hey, where were you just now?" Carol called her.

"I'm sorry," Regina said, avoiding Carol's curious gaze. "You reminded me of a patient from when I was an intern."

"What, full of charm and personality?"

Regina hesitated before breaking into a smile, "You could say that, I believe. She had just woken from a stomach surgery and one of her first concerns were if she could eat burgers," Regina told her, to Carol's delight.

"I keep telling you this is an important part!"

"So you do," Regina checked her monitor one last time before ringing for the nurse to instruct her. "I'll go call your mother now, she went home to bring you some new stock of clean clothes."

"I was wondering where she was, never leaving my bed to let me breathe, that crazy woman. I hope she took a nap during the surgery."

"Only in your wild dreams," Regina retorted. "But don't worry, I sent my intern to keep her updated every hour."

"Thanks for that. Anyway, how was the scared girl who answered your whole interrogation?"

"She was… quite something."

* * *

 **~SQ~**

* * *

Emma Swan waited rather impatiently when Regina stepped out of the room. Propped on the nurse's desk counter, the intern kept one eye on a tablet and one at the room's door. As soon as she spotted the attending closing the passage behind her, she straightened herself and laid the tablet down.

The girl probably wanted to check on Carol for herself, but had been smart enough to wait to do so after Regina ended her consultation. She hated being followed around like a shadow, and after the violent waves of emotions that had been tossing her around for the last few days, it would be nice to get away from Emma Swan for a bit.

Unfortunately, it seemed she wasn't so lucky.

"Hey," Emma said, approaching the doctor as she motioned to leave the floor. "Can we talk?"

Regina snorted under her breath, then gestured to the door. "She is alright, Dr. Swan. You can go in and see for yourself now. We've done a good job."

The intern shifted in place, looking uncomfortable. "I do want to see her, if you don't mind… But it's not about that."

Dr. Mills stared at her for a moment, trying to practice patience, for a chance. "Alright. What is it, then?"

Emma looked around, wetting her lips. "Can we go somewhere else, so we can have a word alone?"

Oh, this was not good. Regina opened her mouth to argue, but Emma had already turned around and walked to the hallway, as if she was sure of being followed. The nerve! _This is all on you - between taking her to bed and treating her like a puppy all day, what did you expect?_

Dr. Swan halted as they reached a back corridor, where only maintenance employees passed back and forth. Then, after a moment of deliberation, she opened the door to an empty on call room.

"What was so important that you needed 'a word alone', Dr. Swan?" Regina asked in an uninterested manner, trying not to flinch at the sound of the door closing behind them. God, she hoped the girl wasn't having any funny ideas about where they stood.

"I-you see," Emma took a breath like she was trying to to gather her nerve. "It was very nice working with you today, and I learned so much…"

"So I performed my tedious, but mandatory job of teaching the new ducklings and you learned. Everyone is happy. I have to go now, you seem like you don't know just how busy I am." Regina turned to leave, but Emma held her forearm.

This was also not good. In the last few days she had learned a little too much about Emma's hands - how warm they were, how attentive, and also how elegant they looked on latex gloves, how firm they could be. They weren't firm now, they were hesitant; the touch too light to be compared to the ones they had exchanged at that messy apartment. Cold fingers, too. She was nervous, but still the grip remained.

"Excuse me?" Regina said, shooting the intern an offended look.

"Sorry, I-" Emma let go of her arm. "But what I meant to say is that you can't treat me different."

Regina narrowed her eyes. "I was under the impression that I was _just_ doing my job."

"But-"

"And that was all that was, Dr. Swan." The line was final and she was ready to leave again, so Emma jumped in front of her, provoked by the whole theatricality of the affair.

"I just mean, it's not because we slept together that I want you to treat me different. I'm not… I didn't do it to get in your favor, so don't demean me by thinking so."

Regina glared at her with that very disapproving look she have perfected so well, but, before she could say any more, Emma was adamant in proving she understood it all wrong.

"You already got me to bed, spare the extra effort. Treat me like you would teach any intern." Then she took a step back, because Regina looked - no, she _was_ \- absolutely fuming.

"First, when taking a moment to reminisce that little detail, do so lowly," Dr. Mills hissed. "In a second thought, don't reminisce at all." Emma raised her hands, but Regina was talking – hissing again. "I would never be so unethical. I don't - and won't ever - treat you different, sleeping with you or not," She practically spat the last part.

"Great, because it's not like this is happening again," Emma said it out of spite, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Regina closed her hands into fists. They were not intern and attending now, just two women who had shared too much with too little consideration for what came next. And although Emma's words traced a line in the sand, they were both instantly remembered they had crossed those boundaries not so long ago. Memories were still fresh, and the room was still dark and empty. So it would be a lie, a big fat lie, to say it never crossed Regina's mind to give in again, to use Emma to get in that peaceful state of mind where the world narrowed down to two people.

It crossed her mind.

But fast.

"I wasn't planning of telling you that, Dr. Swan, but you are so _impossible_ …" She paused to take a breath. "I know you were a patient in this hospital, around ten years ago. You arrived with an abdominal laceration caused by a gunshot and had to go through surgery. Now, I understand you probably don't recall, but I…"

"Was an intern here," Emma whispered. The color had all but drained from her face.

"You do remember."

Emma's mouth was pale, and her green eyes of pure crystal were starting to water, but Regina knew she would never weep. She hadn't weeped as a teenager, she hadn't wavered as an intern, and she wasn't about to.

"Of course I remember. You told me about Henry, we talked about my options."

Somehow, that hurt her even more. It pained her that she acted the way she did and during the whole time Emma knew, and never said anything. "Yes," She said eventually, "So what I did today, or rather, what I would like to do, is to offer you the opportunity of being mentored by me on your medical journey here. I have noticed you have quite a knack for Cardiology."

"How is this not treating me different?" Emma replied. Regina threw her hands in the air in aggravation.

"Look, Dr. Swan. I couldn't care less about what happened the other night. I'm only offering you to be a mentor. Help instead of harm."

"Well, here's a life tip: do it for everyone. You said it yourself it is your job."

"Pay attention, now. I might recall the angry teenager you were, and I might appreciate how things have turned out for you, even respect that, but don't mistake me for the loving doctor who was tending you as a patient. I am your boss here, and you will show me some respect!"

Emma stood silent for a moment, her cheeks now growing red. It took a toll on her to remain quiet, gulping down the indignation her whole body expressed. But she did it. And Regina was satisfied - to a point.

"I can help you navigate through the faster road where you've never been and never, up until this point, had the chance to be." She paused, staring serious as ever at Emma's eyes. "If you want to take this opportunity or not… that is entirely up to you." But before Emma could say anything, she was leaving, she couldn't stay any longer in that confrontation. She reached for the doorknob, and before opening, Regina sentenced: "And rest assured that what we did indeed is not happening again."

Then she was out.

* * *

 **~SQ~**

* * *

 **I'm proud to announce that this fanfic is no longer in the refrigerator! Yey!**

 **Hope you still remember and enjoy it!**

 **A long update of the day after and the expected moment Regina realized she's met Emma before and...**

 **well, the rest is yet to be revealed.**

 **Let me know what are your thoughts on this - you know, if it was worthwhile and stuff.**


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